Words from Umma Nelly:It's about 10 minutes pass the actual Christmas "date" and I am wide A W A K E. I'm just enjoying the Christmas tree and also my AMAZING Christmas present from my BEYOND AMAZING husband, my brand new spanking 40 in TV! LOVE IT.
I adore the new family traditions that my new little family creates from season to season. They always bring me smiles...lots of them. I love reminiscing about my childhood memories from Christmas time. I love incorporating what my parents did for my siblings and me for my own family, now. Matthew and I try our best to create good, solid memories for our son and pray that he'll one day smile about all the holiday traditions. Maybe he'll pass some onto his own little family...one day.
Last year, I was determined to cook a turkey for Christmas Eve dinner. Yeah, the one who catches kitchens on fire wanted to cook a turkey. I remember following everything my mom said over the phone and praying, "Oh God, please don't let anyone get sick." It went better than expected, and it made me feel a little more braver for this Christmas.
This time, I decided to STUFF the turkey! Oh yeah, baby!!! My sister-in-law loves to stuff her turkey with oranges, lemons, celery and onions with a homemade butter rub. I decided to follow her instructions and made her write out some "detailed" instructions.
I was ready to hit the grocery store. Praise the Lord for my in-laws who love watching Josiah! I was able to buckle down and do some serious grocery shopping. Okay, I only needed the oranges, lemons and celery...and some seasonings. I was very careful with my selections and when I got to the produce section, I grab some oranges and was happy that they seemed to be pretty big. Got a few things here and there and I was ready to go home to my poor, little sick boy who developed croup.
Christmas Eve, we went to the in-laws and let Josiah open his presents and opened our stockings. It was relaxing and just enjoyable. It was perfect. It was getting late and I wanted to go home and bake Jesus birthday cake and get the turkey ready so all I had to do was pop it in the oven in the morning.
That did NOT happen...
Instead, I realized we didn't have anymore eggs since I used them up to make a nice french toast breakfast for my family. So, no birthday cake for Jesus... (No worries, Jesus got a pumpkin pie instead, thanks to Linda!) Then, I started to read to the directions for the turkey... And it said in nice big letters, "DO NOT STUFF THE TURKEY THE NIGHT BEFORE." Awesome. My top-notch husband offered to at least cut up the veggies and fruits, while I wrapped the rest of the presents.
While I was wrapping the presents, Matthew came out and said, "Babe, you know you got grapefruit, right?" My reaction, "are you serious? NO!" I checked those suckers to make sure that I didn't get the grapefruit. Look how well that played out for me. Those "really big oranges" went from amazing to crap. I was not made to cook.
I'm sorry if you had to work on Christmas. I'm even more sorry if you work at a grocery store and you had to work on Christmas. It's because of people like me who does the dumbest things. Matthew was able to get the right oranges, just in time for the big turkey.
You would think one who made a turkey last year would remember this year. No, I still had to call my mom cause I couldn't remember if I had to rip off those weird looking parts or if I left that plastic clamp on it. Last year, I ripped off the weird looking part and found out that this year it is actually supposed to stay there and helps keep the stuffing in it. I even asked my mom, how do I know if the turkey is right side up because last year, I put it in there the wrong way. Awesome. I know.
The turkey came out just fine. It smelled great and looked pretty good.
While we were eating dinner, I realized that I totally forgot to make the stuffing to eat on the side. Awesome. Oh well, Linda cooked plenty of delicious sides! Later on, I went to the pantry to grab some forks for pie and I saw the two jars of gravy sitting there. Waiting. Yep, I forgot to "cook" the gravy as well! Even better. I was responsible for cooking the turkey, the stuffing and the gravy. Yep, little chef here only remembered the turkey. I would never make it on "Hell's Kitchen". Never.
Christmas was awesome. I even got to talk to Mama Brittany while trying to get dressed for church, which I never made it. Matthew and Josiah were already staying home since Josiah was getting over croup, and I was going to come home when I was no longer needed in Kid's Church. Josiah wasn't too big into opening his gifts. It took him like two hours to open just three presents, no exaggeration there. He still has a good size pile left. Last year, we celebrated Christmas for about a month. It took him forever to open his gifts! I thought he was going to rip open his presents and really get into it. Nope. He was more amused with the blocks that he already had. :)
I guess Josiah can celebrate Hanukkah.
Christmas was awesome and now it's over....
It's always exciting and full of "adventures". Sometimes, the mishaps are what make the memories so good. :)
Amen.
Sunday, December 25, 2011
Sunday, December 11, 2011
"Diary of a Lupie Pregnancy" Chapter 2
Words from Mama Brittany:
I was apprehensive even still to have switched doctors to unfamiliar territory. I now venture about an hour from my home down to the big city; but then I realized it is my city. I was born there and I know it. It's not scary, it's beautiful and worth it.
I arrived on time for my anticipated appointment. I was nervous and thank God my mother was able to come with me since Jacob couldn't take off work. Everything went smoothly, we got the valet parking and were about 25 minutes early to my appointment. As I was closing in on the clinic, the doors to the elevator popped open and out came a pregnant woman in a wheelchair. I knew right then they were bringing her down from high risk for tests. Our eyes met and I knew exactly how she was feeling. A swoosh of emotions over came me and I was taken back to my time in high risk.
I remember being wheeled around for tests, sometimes I was allowed to go into the main hospital, catch a glimpse of some people. Most days I was all alone, I remember one day I was starring out the window and watching a trash bag blowing around by the wind and I thought to myself maybe I'll see a squirrel today. Oh how I wanted to see a squirrel. That dang on trash bag blew outside my window all day. I saw no squirrel. I remember the night I got discharged, my mother hen nurse whom I loved was the one to wheel me to my car. She wheeled me to the lobby and we waited there for Jacob to check out. If looks could kill I would have been dead, there I sit in my wheelchair, alone with flowers in my lap. It was like time was frozen still and I was the only person in the room, everyone was staring at me. Everyone had sympathy, everyone thought my baby was dead. I wanted to shout and scream and tell them he was alive and healthy, but it didn't matter. I was going home without a baby, that's all they saw.
Inwardly, my heart was aching for this woman, she got wheeled back to the testing center, tears in her eyes and tissues in her hand. I prayed for her,and prayed for her baby. It's a sucky feeling being high risk. And it doesn't matter if your baby arrives healthy or not, its not a ball of fun and people will never understand. So many people said that I should just be thankful that Oliver is healthy. I am thankful, oh I'm thankful, but it still hurts, its still scary and we don't need to hear your well meaning comments. It's like Janel said in her post about Izzy Bear- it's best if you say nothing at all.
As I was sitting there I met 3 other mamas. Two of them were 8 months and one of them was 5. They were all talking about the sex of their babies and complaining because the two 8 month ones wanted boys and they were having girls, the other one wanted a girl because she has a son. They were super nice but all I could think was, "Oh please God let my baby be healthy, Oh please God let the heart be beating right, Oh please God let this appointment go perfectly."
I remember being a first time mom, and being so excited about the baby without a care in the world. When you have healthy children, uncomplicated pregnancies you have no idea. I like to think that most people cherish their children healthy or not, but all to often I see babies and children being taken for granted. I see pregnant woman drinking Mountain Dew and Dr. Pepper and they get healthy full term babies. I'm not saying this out of bitterness, but I want to be real. If I can't be real on my own blog then where can I be real?
I don't want people to feel sorry for me, I have enough pity parties on my own thank you very much. If I had one wish, it would be that people would be thankful for what they have, everyday. If you have a healthy pregnancy, cherish it. Cherish your children, even when its hard and you want to toss them out the window. Trust me I have my moments with Oliver, but then I think of the nicu and my 3 pounder and nothing else matters. He's here with me, he's alive and healthy and thriving. This little baby in my tummy is healthy and perfect.
The sonogram went wonderfully the first thing the lady said was gasp " Your baby is gorgeous I love your baby!" Everything was exactly perfect. I measured exactly what I am, and every little test was totally normal! And after the trucking we made to the big city, I realized this is my city, the city I was born in and the city where my baby will be born in. The level of care I'm receiving is outstanding and I'm filled with so much peace and have so much hope. I don't have another sonogram for four weeks!
I still have two more appointments to clear this week but I think everything will go great! Thanks for all the prayers and love, it means the world to us to have your support.
Be loved and be cherished, and go out and share it. <3
I was apprehensive even still to have switched doctors to unfamiliar territory. I now venture about an hour from my home down to the big city; but then I realized it is my city. I was born there and I know it. It's not scary, it's beautiful and worth it.
I arrived on time for my anticipated appointment. I was nervous and thank God my mother was able to come with me since Jacob couldn't take off work. Everything went smoothly, we got the valet parking and were about 25 minutes early to my appointment. As I was closing in on the clinic, the doors to the elevator popped open and out came a pregnant woman in a wheelchair. I knew right then they were bringing her down from high risk for tests. Our eyes met and I knew exactly how she was feeling. A swoosh of emotions over came me and I was taken back to my time in high risk.
I remember being wheeled around for tests, sometimes I was allowed to go into the main hospital, catch a glimpse of some people. Most days I was all alone, I remember one day I was starring out the window and watching a trash bag blowing around by the wind and I thought to myself maybe I'll see a squirrel today. Oh how I wanted to see a squirrel. That dang on trash bag blew outside my window all day. I saw no squirrel. I remember the night I got discharged, my mother hen nurse whom I loved was the one to wheel me to my car. She wheeled me to the lobby and we waited there for Jacob to check out. If looks could kill I would have been dead, there I sit in my wheelchair, alone with flowers in my lap. It was like time was frozen still and I was the only person in the room, everyone was staring at me. Everyone had sympathy, everyone thought my baby was dead. I wanted to shout and scream and tell them he was alive and healthy, but it didn't matter. I was going home without a baby, that's all they saw.
Inwardly, my heart was aching for this woman, she got wheeled back to the testing center, tears in her eyes and tissues in her hand. I prayed for her,and prayed for her baby. It's a sucky feeling being high risk. And it doesn't matter if your baby arrives healthy or not, its not a ball of fun and people will never understand. So many people said that I should just be thankful that Oliver is healthy. I am thankful, oh I'm thankful, but it still hurts, its still scary and we don't need to hear your well meaning comments. It's like Janel said in her post about Izzy Bear- it's best if you say nothing at all.
As I was sitting there I met 3 other mamas. Two of them were 8 months and one of them was 5. They were all talking about the sex of their babies and complaining because the two 8 month ones wanted boys and they were having girls, the other one wanted a girl because she has a son. They were super nice but all I could think was, "Oh please God let my baby be healthy, Oh please God let the heart be beating right, Oh please God let this appointment go perfectly."
I remember being a first time mom, and being so excited about the baby without a care in the world. When you have healthy children, uncomplicated pregnancies you have no idea. I like to think that most people cherish their children healthy or not, but all to often I see babies and children being taken for granted. I see pregnant woman drinking Mountain Dew and Dr. Pepper and they get healthy full term babies. I'm not saying this out of bitterness, but I want to be real. If I can't be real on my own blog then where can I be real?
I don't want people to feel sorry for me, I have enough pity parties on my own thank you very much. If I had one wish, it would be that people would be thankful for what they have, everyday. If you have a healthy pregnancy, cherish it. Cherish your children, even when its hard and you want to toss them out the window. Trust me I have my moments with Oliver, but then I think of the nicu and my 3 pounder and nothing else matters. He's here with me, he's alive and healthy and thriving. This little baby in my tummy is healthy and perfect.
The sonogram went wonderfully the first thing the lady said was gasp " Your baby is gorgeous I love your baby!" Everything was exactly perfect. I measured exactly what I am, and every little test was totally normal! And after the trucking we made to the big city, I realized this is my city, the city I was born in and the city where my baby will be born in. The level of care I'm receiving is outstanding and I'm filled with so much peace and have so much hope. I don't have another sonogram for four weeks!
I still have two more appointments to clear this week but I think everything will go great! Thanks for all the prayers and love, it means the world to us to have your support.
Be loved and be cherished, and go out and share it. <3
Sunday, December 4, 2011
Diary of a Lupie pregnancy chapter 1
Words from Mama Brittany:
The first high risk OB (HROB) that I went to was, well she was pretty dreadful. She made it sound like I would be lucky if I made it out of this pregnancy alive. She told my husband and I that " Lupus was the scariest disease on earth" and that "if" I made it to 36 weeks I would immediately get a c-section. When I asked about a VBAC she laughed and called me a tree hugger. She was upset that I was still nursing Oliver, and said I needed to wean immediately, but had nothing to back up that statement, she even said continued nursing does not cause miscarriages. When she heard I was taking a raw prenatal she just about fell out of her chair. Oliver was screaming the whole time we were in her presence, and He kept saying "Go bye bye mommy daddy we go bye bye" He obviously wasn't found of this lady, and neither was I. So I left the office balling my eyes out and was determined to find a new Dr stat.
I was on the phone with midwives, lactation consultants, high risk obstetricians,and Doula's. A friend of mine suggested a group of midwives who work with a HROB. When I called these midwives they said they would be willing to work with me if He thought I was stable enough. I met the new HROB who I had high hopes for, and guess what?!? He turned out to be wonderful just like I thought He would be! He was honest and caring and said he looks at individuals not people as a whole. He has worked with many lupus Mama's and He is confident that I can try for a VBAC( vaginal birth after Cesarean) and if needed he would perform a gentle c-section.
All my hard work paid off and I am so glad that I am an informed Mama. I am so glad that I didn't just believe what the first doctor told me. She scared the living crap out of me and treated me like a diseased person, no pun intended.
I wanted to share this story because I want people to know that we have choices, we always have choices. Doctors are not God. I would encourage you to search out, research, and be informed. In everything.
I could have bowed to the first doctors wishes and given up my dreams of a more natural birth, but I know better, I've done the research. Pregnancy isn't some disease to be feared as it's portrayed on television. You know with woman screaming and in the hospital, tons of medical interventions, the doctor saves the day kind of stuff. That's great and some woman are OK with that. But I'm not and it took me a long time to heal from my traumatic birth with Oliver. I have rights, my pregnancy is not a disease its a beautiful wonderful natural thing. I am so glad that I was informed and chose to search until I found a great doctor. There are great doctors in the world, they may be few and far between, but they are out there, I know because I found one! Woot Woot!
So that's where I'm at now. So far so good, the baby is measuring perfectly and I've been feeling Oh so pregnant :-)
The first high risk OB (HROB) that I went to was, well she was pretty dreadful. She made it sound like I would be lucky if I made it out of this pregnancy alive. She told my husband and I that " Lupus was the scariest disease on earth" and that "if" I made it to 36 weeks I would immediately get a c-section. When I asked about a VBAC she laughed and called me a tree hugger. She was upset that I was still nursing Oliver, and said I needed to wean immediately, but had nothing to back up that statement, she even said continued nursing does not cause miscarriages. When she heard I was taking a raw prenatal she just about fell out of her chair. Oliver was screaming the whole time we were in her presence, and He kept saying "Go bye bye mommy daddy we go bye bye" He obviously wasn't found of this lady, and neither was I. So I left the office balling my eyes out and was determined to find a new Dr stat.
I was on the phone with midwives, lactation consultants, high risk obstetricians,and Doula's. A friend of mine suggested a group of midwives who work with a HROB. When I called these midwives they said they would be willing to work with me if He thought I was stable enough. I met the new HROB who I had high hopes for, and guess what?!? He turned out to be wonderful just like I thought He would be! He was honest and caring and said he looks at individuals not people as a whole. He has worked with many lupus Mama's and He is confident that I can try for a VBAC( vaginal birth after Cesarean) and if needed he would perform a gentle c-section.
All my hard work paid off and I am so glad that I am an informed Mama. I am so glad that I didn't just believe what the first doctor told me. She scared the living crap out of me and treated me like a diseased person, no pun intended.
I wanted to share this story because I want people to know that we have choices, we always have choices. Doctors are not God. I would encourage you to search out, research, and be informed. In everything.
I could have bowed to the first doctors wishes and given up my dreams of a more natural birth, but I know better, I've done the research. Pregnancy isn't some disease to be feared as it's portrayed on television. You know with woman screaming and in the hospital, tons of medical interventions, the doctor saves the day kind of stuff. That's great and some woman are OK with that. But I'm not and it took me a long time to heal from my traumatic birth with Oliver. I have rights, my pregnancy is not a disease its a beautiful wonderful natural thing. I am so glad that I was informed and chose to search until I found a great doctor. There are great doctors in the world, they may be few and far between, but they are out there, I know because I found one! Woot Woot!
So that's where I'm at now. So far so good, the baby is measuring perfectly and I've been feeling Oh so pregnant :-)
Thursday, December 1, 2011
Thankful
Words from Mama Brittany:
I thought it fitting that I post my little Thankful shout out on Thanksgiving :-)
First off I want to thank Umma Nelly. She's been there for me through some serious stuff. This summer when I was sick she was the one I called on a daily basis so that I could whine and cry and scream and at times cuss loudly. She was the one who told me it was ok, and I could let it out. She was the one who kept me sane when I thought of running away, and she was also the one who thought it was ok for me to run away, to her house of course! I love you Nelly. Forever thank you for putting up with my b*tching and moaning :-)
Next I'd like to thank my family. I have a wonderful husband who is very very patient with me. He also isn't going to let me just lay down and die, he pushes me to live life to the fullest and be thankful for everyday. Next is my parents, for there help in our lives. When I got sick over the summer they were coming on a daily basis to help me, and then when I got pregnant they continued to help out even more. Big thank you!! I love you all!
Next my Lola peeps. You all are the only humans on earth who know how I really feel. Although others can sympathize they have no idea whats its really like to live with lupus. You all keep me Laughing and Lupie and real! I love you all and am so thankful to have met all of you! We are family <3
Next I'm thankful for all my like minded Mama friends. Without you I'd be constantly banging my head against a wall. Thank you all for parenting from your heart, being informed, and giving your babes the very best! It's amazing how were changing the world one breastfed, co sleeping, baby wearing, cloth/sposie diapering, healthy baby led weaning, boobie sucking, KID at a time :-D
I'm thankful that there are good doctors in the world who care about individuals and who are willing to work as a team with their patients, especially me because I don't take anything at plain face, I smile nod and go home and do my own research. I'm thankful for a great Rhemy, and now for my new OB and Midwives.
I'm thankful to God for all the learning opportunities He places before me on a daily basis. Everyday I'm growing and learning more, I'm thankful for the chance to enrich my life, follow my dreams, and chase after my passions.
I thought it fitting that I post my little Thankful shout out on Thanksgiving :-)
First off I want to thank Umma Nelly. She's been there for me through some serious stuff. This summer when I was sick she was the one I called on a daily basis so that I could whine and cry and scream and at times cuss loudly. She was the one who told me it was ok, and I could let it out. She was the one who kept me sane when I thought of running away, and she was also the one who thought it was ok for me to run away, to her house of course! I love you Nelly. Forever thank you for putting up with my b*tching and moaning :-)
Next I'd like to thank my family. I have a wonderful husband who is very very patient with me. He also isn't going to let me just lay down and die, he pushes me to live life to the fullest and be thankful for everyday. Next is my parents, for there help in our lives. When I got sick over the summer they were coming on a daily basis to help me, and then when I got pregnant they continued to help out even more. Big thank you!! I love you all!
Next my Lola peeps. You all are the only humans on earth who know how I really feel. Although others can sympathize they have no idea whats its really like to live with lupus. You all keep me Laughing and Lupie and real! I love you all and am so thankful to have met all of you! We are family <3
Next I'm thankful for all my like minded Mama friends. Without you I'd be constantly banging my head against a wall. Thank you all for parenting from your heart, being informed, and giving your babes the very best! It's amazing how were changing the world one breastfed, co sleeping, baby wearing, cloth/sposie diapering, healthy baby led weaning, boobie sucking, KID at a time :-D
I'm thankful that there are good doctors in the world who care about individuals and who are willing to work as a team with their patients, especially me because I don't take anything at plain face, I smile nod and go home and do my own research. I'm thankful for a great Rhemy, and now for my new OB and Midwives.
I'm thankful to God for all the learning opportunities He places before me on a daily basis. Everyday I'm growing and learning more, I'm thankful for the chance to enrich my life, follow my dreams, and chase after my passions.
Oh, How I Try.
Words from Umma Nelly:
Some people think I worry too much. Some people think I should allow this or that. I just know that overall, I want what is best for my son. I have always had a love for research. I love looking up different topics and just learning a little more about things that matter to me. When I had Josiah, I found myself consumed by parent books, peoples advice, parent websites, the Doctors TV show... Oh, how I try to do what is best...
Sometimes, I get really sick of people when they try to tell me to do something different. I don't know how many times I have muttered, "if Josiah was in a car accident, it would be better if Josiah had broken legs, than a snapped neck." Do you know how many people comment on how Josiah should be facing forward in the carseat? Did you NOT listen to the new recommendation and why they recommend it to the age of two now? It's just simply aggravating... Oh how I try to ignore their little comments...
Sometimes, I get really tired of hearing people tell me that I worry too much when it comes to what "beauty" products we use or the food we consume. Listen, I don't judge you for what you eat, so let me eat my organic food in peace. I love learning what's in our food, because I don't want to fill my body with nasty processed food. It's not good for you. Yes, I still have my days when I pass a McDonald's and I find myself shoving my face with their french fries. However, I still want to try to eat healthy, "pure" food because I FIRMLY BELIEVE we can cure many health issues with just some SIMPLE changes in our diet. Why would I want to support body products or even food that have been linked to cancer or even psychological disorders? I KNOW that I can not run away from all the toxins of this world! I GET IT! HOWEVER, I want to do my best to stay away from the products and food that I can avoid. The more I can avoid, the better. Let me watch my documentaries. There is no harm in learning and being AWARE of how our food and products are being handled. Ignorance is not blissful; it's dangerous. Oh, how I try to live an "organic" lifestyle...
We live our lives as the clock keeps ticking, finding out who we are and our purpose in life. We run after the calling that God has constantly stirring up in our hearts. We beat to our drum, but together--we sound like a beautiful, yet broken orchestra. Our differences bring up fights and wars, but it also unravels beauty and how we can fit together. We were not born to be the same, but we were each born for a different purpose, a different calling. We were born to fight for what we believe.
If we didn't look out of place, I bet billions of people would walk around with signs with what they believe to be true. However, we use little remarks instead and always find a way to slip in what we think is right. I get tired of the remarks, especially when I'm not in the mood to debate. There's a time and a place for disagreements and whatnot. There are some things that I just don't want to hear anymore. It just gets old. I wish there were more people who would just support and let us find out whether we're right or wrong on our own terms, even if it will hurt. Some things don't even really matter, so why do we constantly find ourselves adding those little comments? Maybe it's just the fighter inside of us. Maybe it's just our human nature. It's hard enough to be a parent, why must others try to persuade you to not necessarily follow your motherly instinct? It's hard enough to figure out a steady nutrition "diet", why must others try to persuade you to eat this or that just because "they're fine"?
I know I'm a fighter. I know I stand on my soap box, a lot. It's because I feel like people are constantly trying to deter me from my beliefs. I try to be the best wife. I try to be the best parent. I try to be the best of what God intended me to be. I know I'm not always right. I know I can be stubborn. But... Oh, how I try to SO HARD to do what is right...
Some people think I worry too much. Some people think I should allow this or that. I just know that overall, I want what is best for my son. I have always had a love for research. I love looking up different topics and just learning a little more about things that matter to me. When I had Josiah, I found myself consumed by parent books, peoples advice, parent websites, the Doctors TV show... Oh, how I try to do what is best...
Sometimes, I get really sick of people when they try to tell me to do something different. I don't know how many times I have muttered, "if Josiah was in a car accident, it would be better if Josiah had broken legs, than a snapped neck." Do you know how many people comment on how Josiah should be facing forward in the carseat? Did you NOT listen to the new recommendation and why they recommend it to the age of two now? It's just simply aggravating... Oh how I try to ignore their little comments...
Sometimes, I get really tired of hearing people tell me that I worry too much when it comes to what "beauty" products we use or the food we consume. Listen, I don't judge you for what you eat, so let me eat my organic food in peace. I love learning what's in our food, because I don't want to fill my body with nasty processed food. It's not good for you. Yes, I still have my days when I pass a McDonald's and I find myself shoving my face with their french fries. However, I still want to try to eat healthy, "pure" food because I FIRMLY BELIEVE we can cure many health issues with just some SIMPLE changes in our diet. Why would I want to support body products or even food that have been linked to cancer or even psychological disorders? I KNOW that I can not run away from all the toxins of this world! I GET IT! HOWEVER, I want to do my best to stay away from the products and food that I can avoid. The more I can avoid, the better. Let me watch my documentaries. There is no harm in learning and being AWARE of how our food and products are being handled. Ignorance is not blissful; it's dangerous. Oh, how I try to live an "organic" lifestyle...
We live our lives as the clock keeps ticking, finding out who we are and our purpose in life. We run after the calling that God has constantly stirring up in our hearts. We beat to our drum, but together--we sound like a beautiful, yet broken orchestra. Our differences bring up fights and wars, but it also unravels beauty and how we can fit together. We were not born to be the same, but we were each born for a different purpose, a different calling. We were born to fight for what we believe.
If we didn't look out of place, I bet billions of people would walk around with signs with what they believe to be true. However, we use little remarks instead and always find a way to slip in what we think is right. I get tired of the remarks, especially when I'm not in the mood to debate. There's a time and a place for disagreements and whatnot. There are some things that I just don't want to hear anymore. It just gets old. I wish there were more people who would just support and let us find out whether we're right or wrong on our own terms, even if it will hurt. Some things don't even really matter, so why do we constantly find ourselves adding those little comments? Maybe it's just the fighter inside of us. Maybe it's just our human nature. It's hard enough to be a parent, why must others try to persuade you to not necessarily follow your motherly instinct? It's hard enough to figure out a steady nutrition "diet", why must others try to persuade you to eat this or that just because "they're fine"?
I know I'm a fighter. I know I stand on my soap box, a lot. It's because I feel like people are constantly trying to deter me from my beliefs. I try to be the best wife. I try to be the best parent. I try to be the best of what God intended me to be. I know I'm not always right. I know I can be stubborn. But... Oh, how I try to SO HARD to do what is right...
Wednesday, November 23, 2011
Announcement!
Words From Mama Brittany:
Hi Friends! The big announcement is drum roll please................. I'm Pregnant!!!
Let's do a wee bit of catching up. My Lupus started acting up this summer after a month long sinus infection. Daily life became hard, and I stopped blogging. Everyday was a struggle to just get by, and remember I was a WAHM running a daycare with little energetic kiddo's in my home. It was hard, but my amazing Rhemy decided medicine would be the best option for me because at this point in my disease I do not have organ involvement, and before things got worse he wanted to get me better. I fought with the idea because I'm SO not a medicine person, but I was sick and I wanted to feel healthy again. So I got put on a medication. 3 weeks later I got pregnant. Currently I am a SAHM to focus on my health and my babies health. So here I am back to blogging.
I hope you'll enjoy coming with me on my journey through a lupus pregnancy :-) ROUND TWO BABY. ;-)
Hi Friends! The big announcement is drum roll please................. I'm Pregnant!!!
Let's do a wee bit of catching up. My Lupus started acting up this summer after a month long sinus infection. Daily life became hard, and I stopped blogging. Everyday was a struggle to just get by, and remember I was a WAHM running a daycare with little energetic kiddo's in my home. It was hard, but my amazing Rhemy decided medicine would be the best option for me because at this point in my disease I do not have organ involvement, and before things got worse he wanted to get me better. I fought with the idea because I'm SO not a medicine person, but I was sick and I wanted to feel healthy again. So I got put on a medication. 3 weeks later I got pregnant. Currently I am a SAHM to focus on my health and my babies health. So here I am back to blogging.
I hope you'll enjoy coming with me on my journey through a lupus pregnancy :-) ROUND TWO BABY. ;-)
Friday, August 12, 2011
A Blink of Sleep
One thing people will frequently ask is, "does Oliver sleep through the night?" Depending on the person, I sometimes laugh, lie or feel like crying! Ha! The truth to the answer of this question is no. At nineteen months, Oliver still does not STTN. Is it hard? Am I tired? Yes. Would I have it any other way? No.
How do I do it with being sleep deprived? I get asked this question a lot, so I will try and answer best I know how:
I love being Oliver's mama. I also love Oliver's daddy. My husband is a huge help! Since I am the one who feeds Oliver, my dear husband has taken on the role to bathe Oliver. Many friends who breastfeed, are worried that their husbands won't be able to help out with the baby. However, there are lots of ways for all dads to help! In order for you to get the most "rest," let him! Trust me, your husband is not going to break the baby.
We all know I am a big fan of the family bed. Jacob and I bought a king size bed just for Oli! Lucky kid, eh?!? It came to the point that we didn't care if Oliver slept on the roof, as long as the kid slept. So, he sleeps in our bed. We have many people ask us all sorts of questions about this and they really just don't understand how it's possible. Western culture puts babies in cribs, but the rest of the world, I can assure you, sleeps with their babies. Did you know China has the lowest SIDS rates, and the highest family bed rates? Oliver sleeps much better when he is in bed with us, so that's where he sleeps! Pretty simple :)
So how do you get more sleep? How do we function as mothers? We look to our babies to see their patterns. Oliver was a cat napper; he would sleep thirty minutes and not a moment longer. Not even a minute. I could time him down to the very second! He would take these thirty minute naps every 1 1/2 hours. So, I knew every 1 1/2 hours I would have a thirty minute break to take a shower, or do laundry, or sit on the couch and veg, whatever. Trying to schedule Oliver racked my brain and I had to realize this was just not my baby. Once I started following his cues, we were both much happier.
Nighttime sleep. Many nights, I saw the clock every single hour. Why did I look? I'm not so sure. I think sometimes I would hope that maybe two, even three hours had past before his last feeding. Most of the time, not a single hour had passed. Yes this was hard, but I was his Mama and this was the choice I made. Oliver didn't ask to be born, he didn't ask me to breastfeed him. This was my choice and this was my baby who needed me, not just when the sun was out, but during Mr. Golden Moon's reign too. I sucked it up. Now at 19 months, I can say it does get easier, every day get a little bit easier. Oliver still sometimes wakes two to three times a night, but I just remember this was my choice and still is my choice. I wouldn't change that for anything.
If your baby doesn't seem to like lying down, then make your life easier and do what works best for your baby. Let them sleep where they seem comfortable (but make sure it's safe). Some babies need to swing, some babies prefer the sling, some enjoy stroller rides. Do what works and don't feel guilty or pressured to do things the way others think you should.
Speaking of guilt--don't allow others to guilt you into things. If I had a penny for everyone who said just let him CIO, I would be rich! Everyone would jib-jab about how their baby sleeps all night and they get SO much rest and their baby never comes into their bed. Bull crap. If anyone has ever told you their baby has never came into bed, they are probably lying! Do what you feel is right and don't worry about what anyone else thinks! Remember it's your baby, all they need is your love mama.
So for all the mama's with 'wee bits', tired beyond belief, we know its hard and we know your tired--you CAN do this. Soon your little baby won't need you the way they do now. Eventually, you will miss those late night feedings and cuddling. They grow so fast so try to enjoy every moment. Be encouraged because there is hope. I'm going to add some links below so you can do your own research. Don't feel alone, get connections, be informed. Your an awesome mama! Keep on loving your babe!
Saturday, August 6, 2011
Hold On Love. (Umma Nelly)
Excuse me for the vulgarity in this current blog. However, I want to show you the raw emotion and be as real as possible. I think you'll understand why I chose to share these words with you.
A little over two years ago, I was sitting in a high risk doctor's office with my mother-in-law. I was almost 8 months pregnant with my firstborn, Israel Nathaniel, and we were waiting for my appointment with an ultrasound technician. My original OB/GYN sent me to have a closer look at my son's heart because they couldn't see all four chambers of my son's heart at my ultrasound. I wasn't really worried, because we saw them at my first ultrasound, and I thought they were just being overly cautious. I was more excited than worried, because this was going to give me another chance to see my precious boy!
Little did I know that my whole world was going to change.... I can remember it all. I can even remember looking at the technician's pictures of her daughter. She was ever so sweet to us and was very patient and you could sense the spirit of gentleness about her. I even remember the doctor, who had to deliver the "news" to us. I remember how he tried his best to address this situation and how he was careful with his words, but he didn't hide the seriousness of my boy's condition. My sweet son, Israel, was diagnosed with Hypoplastic Left Heart Syndrome, which means the left side of the heart is underdeveloped.
I could barely breathe as the doctor tried to explain the risks and everything that comes along with this heart congenital defect. His words were literally going in one year and out the other, because I could barely take everything in at this very moment. I remember riding over quickly to another heart specialist, and trying to soak more of this information in my mind. I remember my sister calling from the hospital--she just had her baby girl, Jenna--and asking about the appointment. I remember bawling my eyes out and trying to explain everything to my mother and my sister. I remember trying to remain calm as I had my husband meet me at Chick-Fil-A to grab lunch and then having to tell him the terrible news. I remember how it didn't really hit home with my husband until we arrived home. I remember it all...I remember how this perfect pregnancy changed all from one ultrasound.
Did I love my boy any less? ABSOLUTELY NOT! I loved him even more and continued to pray harder and kept asking God for a miracle. I remember gathering everyone, friends, family, to literally get on their knees and pray like they have never before.
I had to go to more doctor appointments, see more specialists. I had to put my internship on hold, so I could focus on my son and make sure I didn't add any stress that I didn't need. I remember my last regular OB/GYN doctor's appointment. Oh, do I remember this one... It was my last appointment because I was going to have to switch to a High Risk OB because I was going to deliver in Gainesville at Shand's. It was one of the best hospitals to deal with my son's heart condition. I finally met the OB because he never came to any other appointments because of how many patients he had under his care. I remember thinking he was very sweet, but walking away, thinking he was complete douche bag. Yes, I said douche bag.Why? Because as the nurse practitioner was listening to the my son's heartbeat, I had to listen to him say that my son was probably not going to make it. I left the office crying and holding my stomach and immediately called my mother. He had no hope for my son. From then on out, I was completely determined to bring my son to his office and tell him that there is a living God who saved my son.
My c-section was set for July 14th, 2009. My parents flew from Ohio and stayed with us until the very end. I remember staying at the Country Inn Suites and being bummed out that I couldn't join them for the free Continental Breakfast because I wasn't allowed to eat. I even remember how I couldn't sleep the night before, because I was so excited to finally meet my son.
My delivery went perfect. I screamed for joy when my son was born. I think all the staff was shocked because I was so excited to see my son. I couldn't stop exclaiming, "I'm okay! I'm okay! My son is so beautiful!" I was completely in-love with Israel. My OR was filled with doctors and different staff to prepare for this event. I kept wishing they would move away so I could see my son. I didn't want to take my eyes off of him. I even told my husband to get as close as possible, so Israel knew we were not far behind.
To see your own flesh and blood be born before your eyes, there is nothing like it. Nothing. As I am writing these words, I can't help but think of how amazing I felt inside. I was in complete awe.
Everything happened so fast. The first surgery, I thought I was going to lose him. One of the doctors came in and gave us an update about how he was struggling. I couldn't control my crying and the doctor looked highly agitated and mumbled something to me. I never saw him again, but it's a good thing I didn't because I would have literally punched him. After he left, my Aunt Carole reassured me that I could cry if I wanted too. And so I did. I cried and also screamed to God to please let my boy live.
My son survived his first surgery, but the surgeon came out and you could see his true empathy. You could see that he even prayed for my son. You could see all the emotion inside of him. God blessed us with one of the best surgeons...
My son was put on the heart transplant list, immediately. He also went on a machine known as "ECMO" which basically acts as your lungs and heart. Every day was a constant battle. Every day, I whispered into my son's ear and begged him to fight for his life. I told him of how I had everything waiting for him. I wanted to bring my son home.
It's been two years since Israel went to rest in the arms of Jesus. I can still remember his last day with us and how everything felt so surreal. I even remember waking up, not knowing what the day was going to hold for us. I can still hear the PICU social worker banging on the door to the little Ronald McDonald waiting room, to wake us up. I thought it was the cleaning lady trying to get inside to fulfill her daily duties. I was highly annoyed and tried to ignore it. However, the banging was persistent and Matt finally woke up and realized it was our social worker. She exclaimed how the doctors wanted to meet with us and to give them permission to do a head scan because his vital signs were going down. I was still in a haze, but we rushed over to the meeting room and this is where it all began.
They took Israel to get a head scan and I was sent for some blood work that would help them determine a few things with Israel. While Matthew and I were waiting for the results, we didn't know that our son was in one of his most fragile states. We were just spending time with our son, and keeping our family that was with us, updated. I knew my son's kidneys were starting to fail since he wasn't having any urine output, but I kept praying and rubbing his little head.
When the doctors came back with the results, I could see their grim faces. I still held onto hope as we walked together into the conference room. More doctors came that I didn't even recognize and I felt sick to my stomach. I still held out for the miracle. The words that started to come out of our doctors mouths, about taking our son off of the heart transplant list and nothing they could do, my head started to spin. I wanted to collapse. I wanted to punch a wall. I wanted to run. I wanted to hide. Instead, I screamed for God to just simply heal my son. I begged and begged for a miracle. I didn't care what the doctors thought, I just kept screaming for God to literally come down from Heaven and do something. I wasn't ready for my son to go to Heaven. It was just too soon.
I remember my mother holding me and telling me, "Maybe he saw the angels and how life here couldn't compare". I knew he deserved to be Heaven, but I wanted so desperately just another day with him. We walked numbly to Israel's room, and knew this was our last day with our son. We had to take him off life support and allow him to find healing in Heaven. I kept telling my son how much I loved him. I kept whispering into his ear and tried to sing, "you are my sunshine" one more time. I held onto every second, every minute, every hour that we were given with him.
A PICU social worker came in the room, while we were holding onto our son and continued to pray for God to heal our son and let His glory be revealed. We never met this one before, and I will never forget her because I wanted to punch her in the damn face. She asked us about our son's funeral plans and I thought I was going to go crazy on her. Really? Could she have been any more insensitive?
After she left, I saw the ECMO nurse turning her back to us as she was sobbing. My heart really went out to her, because of the emotion she was sharing with us. She was also pregnant, and I could only imagine what she was thinking. I am ever so thankful for her because she helped us put together a memory box as we were saying our good-byes to our son.
From the day Israel was born, I kept wondering and even asking when I was going to be able to hold him. My heart was yearning to hold him against my chest and let him find comfort in hearing my heartbeat against his. I never thought I would have to wait till his last day on earth to hold him. I remember them placing him in my arms, as he was still attached to the ECMO machine and everything else. It took a whole team of nurses to make this moment happen. When they placed him in my arms, I kept sobbing and sobbing. I held him as best as I could, and I found so much joy when he opened his eyes one more time, just for...me, his mother. If I could, I would have held him for days and not even move a muscle. I wanted Matthew to have his chance to hold him before anything could happened. I didn't want to end this precious moment, but I had too. I could see the pain in my husbands eyes and it broke my heart even more as I watched him grieve over his son.
I held him one more time, before I had to let him go back to the doctors. I started to feel more at peace, because I had to tell myself that his time with suffering was over. Completely over. No more surgeries, no more poking and prodding. Nothing.
Matthew and I walked outside and sat by the Chick-Fil-A. The night sky was filled with stars and everything was quiet. It gave us time to really pray and seek God as we were filled with such grief. It gave us time to hold onto each other. It gave us time to be away from everything and just be still. My son went to Heaven on such a beautiful night...
More family and friends were waiting for us, when we came back. I didn't know what to even say to them. My whole life was shattered...
We were given a little more time to hold our son without any tubes or machines hooked up to him. I was in awe to stare at his face, free of all the wires and tubes. It was hard to bare the fact that he was already in Heaven, but I couldn't believe how beautiful he was without any of the machines connected to him. I held him close and I just didn't want to let him go... Matthew and I held him and even walked him to the dreadful morgue. One of our favorite nurses even came with us, just to give us some support. Another nurse came just to help along... I will never forget giving him one more kiss and saying good-bye. I will never forget handing him off the officer and never being able to see him on Earth....
Matthew and I were never the same after losing our most precious gifts, our son.
I was never mad at God for not answering our prayers the way we wanted Him too. I was mad at people. I was mad at mothers, who drink and do drugs during their pregnancy, and gave birth to a perfect baby. I was mad at the teen moms, who didn't even really want the baby, but their baby was PERFECT. Damn it. I did everything right, what the hell? Sometimes, I watch people who ignore their children, because they think they have something better to do. If only they knew how quickly everything could change in just one second... I really hate it when people take their kids for granted...
While I was it the hospital, I lived off of Wendy's and Subway. It took me almost a full year before I even stepped in a Wendy's, again. I could barely listen to certain songs that I sung to Israel. I still have a hard time listening to some songs on the radio, because it just hurts too much. Last night, I bawled my eyes out to Natalie Grant's song, "Held," as it played on the radio. However, "this is what it means to be held" by God's love. He helps you to bare with the sudden grief. He showers you with mercies and love and grace to just get through the day. We are still filled with grief, but you learn to live with it. You learn to not let it overcome who you are and what you are meant to do in your life.
A little over two years ago, I was sitting in a high risk doctor's office with my mother-in-law. I was almost 8 months pregnant with my firstborn, Israel Nathaniel, and we were waiting for my appointment with an ultrasound technician. My original OB/GYN sent me to have a closer look at my son's heart because they couldn't see all four chambers of my son's heart at my ultrasound. I wasn't really worried, because we saw them at my first ultrasound, and I thought they were just being overly cautious. I was more excited than worried, because this was going to give me another chance to see my precious boy!
Little did I know that my whole world was going to change.... I can remember it all. I can even remember looking at the technician's pictures of her daughter. She was ever so sweet to us and was very patient and you could sense the spirit of gentleness about her. I even remember the doctor, who had to deliver the "news" to us. I remember how he tried his best to address this situation and how he was careful with his words, but he didn't hide the seriousness of my boy's condition. My sweet son, Israel, was diagnosed with Hypoplastic Left Heart Syndrome, which means the left side of the heart is underdeveloped.
I could barely breathe as the doctor tried to explain the risks and everything that comes along with this heart congenital defect. His words were literally going in one year and out the other, because I could barely take everything in at this very moment. I remember riding over quickly to another heart specialist, and trying to soak more of this information in my mind. I remember my sister calling from the hospital--she just had her baby girl, Jenna--and asking about the appointment. I remember bawling my eyes out and trying to explain everything to my mother and my sister. I remember trying to remain calm as I had my husband meet me at Chick-Fil-A to grab lunch and then having to tell him the terrible news. I remember how it didn't really hit home with my husband until we arrived home. I remember it all...I remember how this perfect pregnancy changed all from one ultrasound.
Did I love my boy any less? ABSOLUTELY NOT! I loved him even more and continued to pray harder and kept asking God for a miracle. I remember gathering everyone, friends, family, to literally get on their knees and pray like they have never before.
I had to go to more doctor appointments, see more specialists. I had to put my internship on hold, so I could focus on my son and make sure I didn't add any stress that I didn't need. I remember my last regular OB/GYN doctor's appointment. Oh, do I remember this one... It was my last appointment because I was going to have to switch to a High Risk OB because I was going to deliver in Gainesville at Shand's. It was one of the best hospitals to deal with my son's heart condition. I finally met the OB because he never came to any other appointments because of how many patients he had under his care. I remember thinking he was very sweet, but walking away, thinking he was complete douche bag. Yes, I said douche bag.Why? Because as the nurse practitioner was listening to the my son's heartbeat, I had to listen to him say that my son was probably not going to make it. I left the office crying and holding my stomach and immediately called my mother. He had no hope for my son. From then on out, I was completely determined to bring my son to his office and tell him that there is a living God who saved my son.
My c-section was set for July 14th, 2009. My parents flew from Ohio and stayed with us until the very end. I remember staying at the Country Inn Suites and being bummed out that I couldn't join them for the free Continental Breakfast because I wasn't allowed to eat. I even remember how I couldn't sleep the night before, because I was so excited to finally meet my son.
My delivery went perfect. I screamed for joy when my son was born. I think all the staff was shocked because I was so excited to see my son. I couldn't stop exclaiming, "I'm okay! I'm okay! My son is so beautiful!" I was completely in-love with Israel. My OR was filled with doctors and different staff to prepare for this event. I kept wishing they would move away so I could see my son. I didn't want to take my eyes off of him. I even told my husband to get as close as possible, so Israel knew we were not far behind.
To see your own flesh and blood be born before your eyes, there is nothing like it. Nothing. As I am writing these words, I can't help but think of how amazing I felt inside. I was in complete awe.
 |
| He was praying when he was born. It was like he was saying, "God please be with my parents and help them to get through all of this." |
Look at this beauty.
I will remember how I had to wait hours just to see my son. I will remember the determination and the strength I pulled from God to see him. I wasn't allowed until I could stand up without feeling dizzy. With every ounce of strength, I made sure the nurse didn't see the struggle in my face. I hid it all just to see him. Never question or doubt a mother's strength when it comes to her children. Never.  |
| This is the first time I got to spend time with him. I wasn't allowed to spend the night with him, but you better believe that I begged. |
My son survived his first surgery, but the surgeon came out and you could see his true empathy. You could see that he even prayed for my son. You could see all the emotion inside of him. God blessed us with one of the best surgeons...
My son was put on the heart transplant list, immediately. He also went on a machine known as "ECMO" which basically acts as your lungs and heart. Every day was a constant battle. Every day, I whispered into my son's ear and begged him to fight for his life. I told him of how I had everything waiting for him. I wanted to bring my son home.
 |
| My little fighter. |
It's been two years since Israel went to rest in the arms of Jesus. I can still remember his last day with us and how everything felt so surreal. I even remember waking up, not knowing what the day was going to hold for us. I can still hear the PICU social worker banging on the door to the little Ronald McDonald waiting room, to wake us up. I thought it was the cleaning lady trying to get inside to fulfill her daily duties. I was highly annoyed and tried to ignore it. However, the banging was persistent and Matt finally woke up and realized it was our social worker. She exclaimed how the doctors wanted to meet with us and to give them permission to do a head scan because his vital signs were going down. I was still in a haze, but we rushed over to the meeting room and this is where it all began.
They took Israel to get a head scan and I was sent for some blood work that would help them determine a few things with Israel. While Matthew and I were waiting for the results, we didn't know that our son was in one of his most fragile states. We were just spending time with our son, and keeping our family that was with us, updated. I knew my son's kidneys were starting to fail since he wasn't having any urine output, but I kept praying and rubbing his little head.
When the doctors came back with the results, I could see their grim faces. I still held onto hope as we walked together into the conference room. More doctors came that I didn't even recognize and I felt sick to my stomach. I still held out for the miracle. The words that started to come out of our doctors mouths, about taking our son off of the heart transplant list and nothing they could do, my head started to spin. I wanted to collapse. I wanted to punch a wall. I wanted to run. I wanted to hide. Instead, I screamed for God to just simply heal my son. I begged and begged for a miracle. I didn't care what the doctors thought, I just kept screaming for God to literally come down from Heaven and do something. I wasn't ready for my son to go to Heaven. It was just too soon.
I remember my mother holding me and telling me, "Maybe he saw the angels and how life here couldn't compare". I knew he deserved to be Heaven, but I wanted so desperately just another day with him. We walked numbly to Israel's room, and knew this was our last day with our son. We had to take him off life support and allow him to find healing in Heaven. I kept telling my son how much I loved him. I kept whispering into his ear and tried to sing, "you are my sunshine" one more time. I held onto every second, every minute, every hour that we were given with him.
A PICU social worker came in the room, while we were holding onto our son and continued to pray for God to heal our son and let His glory be revealed. We never met this one before, and I will never forget her because I wanted to punch her in the damn face. She asked us about our son's funeral plans and I thought I was going to go crazy on her. Really? Could she have been any more insensitive?
After she left, I saw the ECMO nurse turning her back to us as she was sobbing. My heart really went out to her, because of the emotion she was sharing with us. She was also pregnant, and I could only imagine what she was thinking. I am ever so thankful for her because she helped us put together a memory box as we were saying our good-byes to our son.
From the day Israel was born, I kept wondering and even asking when I was going to be able to hold him. My heart was yearning to hold him against my chest and let him find comfort in hearing my heartbeat against his. I never thought I would have to wait till his last day on earth to hold him. I remember them placing him in my arms, as he was still attached to the ECMO machine and everything else. It took a whole team of nurses to make this moment happen. When they placed him in my arms, I kept sobbing and sobbing. I held him as best as I could, and I found so much joy when he opened his eyes one more time, just for...me, his mother. If I could, I would have held him for days and not even move a muscle. I wanted Matthew to have his chance to hold him before anything could happened. I didn't want to end this precious moment, but I had too. I could see the pain in my husbands eyes and it broke my heart even more as I watched him grieve over his son.
I held him one more time, before I had to let him go back to the doctors. I started to feel more at peace, because I had to tell myself that his time with suffering was over. Completely over. No more surgeries, no more poking and prodding. Nothing.
Matthew and I made the decision to not watch the doctors take him off life support. We didn't know how we would handle it, and we didn't know if we wanted that type of a memory with us. We took a little walk, as my family waited outside his door. I knew he wasn't alone...my mother bared enough strength to watch everything take place. She said they were gentle and it was peaceful... I am grateful that someone did watch the doctors, because now I know my son was in good hands.
Matthew and I walked outside and sat by the Chick-Fil-A. The night sky was filled with stars and everything was quiet. It gave us time to really pray and seek God as we were filled with such grief. It gave us time to hold onto each other. It gave us time to be away from everything and just be still. My son went to Heaven on such a beautiful night...
More family and friends were waiting for us, when we came back. I didn't know what to even say to them. My whole life was shattered...
We were given a little more time to hold our son without any tubes or machines hooked up to him. I was in awe to stare at his face, free of all the wires and tubes. It was hard to bare the fact that he was already in Heaven, but I couldn't believe how beautiful he was without any of the machines connected to him. I held him close and I just didn't want to let him go... Matthew and I held him and even walked him to the dreadful morgue. One of our favorite nurses even came with us, just to give us some support. Another nurse came just to help along... I will never forget giving him one more kiss and saying good-bye. I will never forget handing him off the officer and never being able to see him on Earth....
Matthew and I were never the same after losing our most precious gifts, our son.
I was never mad at God for not answering our prayers the way we wanted Him too. I was mad at people. I was mad at mothers, who drink and do drugs during their pregnancy, and gave birth to a perfect baby. I was mad at the teen moms, who didn't even really want the baby, but their baby was PERFECT. Damn it. I did everything right, what the hell? Sometimes, I watch people who ignore their children, because they think they have something better to do. If only they knew how quickly everything could change in just one second... I really hate it when people take their kids for granted...
While I was it the hospital, I lived off of Wendy's and Subway. It took me almost a full year before I even stepped in a Wendy's, again. I could barely listen to certain songs that I sung to Israel. I still have a hard time listening to some songs on the radio, because it just hurts too much. Last night, I bawled my eyes out to Natalie Grant's song, "Held," as it played on the radio. However, "this is what it means to be held" by God's love. He helps you to bare with the sudden grief. He showers you with mercies and love and grace to just get through the day. We are still filled with grief, but you learn to live with it. You learn to not let it overcome who you are and what you are meant to do in your life.
I wanted to write this blog to help people, who come across friends or family, that have lost a child. I wanted to write this to help those who never went through such a tragic loss to understand how we feel. I wanted to write this to help you understand what you should do and what you shouldn't do.
I dedicate the following words to all my fellow mothers (and fathers) who lost a child. I dedicate this to my son, because he taught me so much while he was with us. I dedicate this to our God, because He brought us a healing.
Please remember these words carefully...
TRY NOT TO SAY, "I'M SORRY".
I wanted to rip those three words out of the English dictionary. I never wanted to hear them again. Try to say something else like "my heart grieves for you". Sometimes, it is better to not even say a word, but hold them as they cry out for their child.
DON'T TRY TO GIVE THEM A THEOLOGICAL REASON WHY THEIR CHILD ISN'T WITH THEM.
I know most of you meant well, but your theological reasoning hurt more than you'll ever understand. Sometimes, it just didn't make any sense. Sometimes, I hoped that you were really wrong in your thinking.
DON'T SAY IT'S GOING TO BE OKAY OR THAT YOU UNDERSTAND ...
It's not ever going to be okay. And you really DON'T understand.
LET THEM SCREAM, CRY, WHATEVER.
Sometimes, even after it's been a year or even five years, we just need to cry because we don't know what else to do. We just want our child back...we just wanted to bring our child home.
REMEMBER THEIR CHILD.
Try to remember their child's birthday and even when they passed away. We don't want you to forget about our little family member... They are still apart of us and who we are as a family. This year, my friend and her family went to the beach and wrote a big "happy birthday, Israel" with a heart around it in the sand. It meant more than words can describe right now. The first Christmas without our son, Brittany's mother sent a little gift to us in honor of Israel. It was a little lamb that plays the melody of "Jesus Loves Me." It filled my heart with joy... These ACTIONS spoke MUCH LOUDER than words will ever speak.
WHEN WE TELL YOU TO "CHERISH YOUR CHILD"...
Just say, "I will". Nothing else... Children are God's truest blessings...
Just for my sweet boy...
Thursday, August 4, 2011
Silly Breastfeeding Adventures
In honor of world breastfeeding week, we thought we'd share some funny breastfeeding adventures with you.
Mama B: I think I have nursed Oliver just about everywhere. The dinner table, Ikea, Walmart, the park, several food stores, on an airplane, the shower, a boat, cooking dinner, the zoo, Target, Trader Joe's, restaurants, walking down the street, in bed, everywhere! But there will always be one place that sticks out in my mind. Nursing Oliver in the car.
There I am crossing the bay bridge and boom we hit a standstill. We were planning on stopping off for a stretch and a nursing right when we got off the bridge, but due to a fender bender we got stuck on the two lane bridge. Guess who starts screaming for milk- Oliver. So what do I do? Like any good nursing mother, I loosen my seat belt, got on my knees and leaned over Oliver's rear facing car seat and whipped 'em out. You know the elastic boob...I ain't no Dolly Parton and it sure isn't comfy, but instantly Oliver started drinking and stopped screaming.
Did I mention that we do not have tinted windows, my friends? The looks I got were priceless. My parents were following behind us and got quite a chuckle because they knew exactly what I was doing ;p This is not the first time I have nursed Oliver in the car, but most defiantly the one I will always remember.
Umma Nelly: Okay....so, I have never had an experience like Brittany's, but I have had my fair share of different moments with Josiah. Like Mama Brittany, I have also nursed Josiah EVERYWHERE. I have a nursing cover, and when my boy wanted to eat, you can bet your dollar that I nursed him. I'm trying to think about if I ever tried to nurse Josiah in the car the same way as Mama B. Hmm...no, I think I tried, but it just wasn't working for various reasons. ;)
I was always determined to breastfeed Josiah exclusively the first year. Formula was just not part of my equation. There were thousands of times where I was tempted, but always received some type of encouragement from someone (mainly Brittany). This one time while I was in Ohio... I was nursing Josiah and we were already battling him biting. I've done the "tap his mouth", pull him away, use the teething ring, etc. (Side Note: In my personal opinion, the pulling away worked the best). Josiah thought it would be really hilarious to grind his teeth and pull away while he was still on the boob. I screamed and shouted that he can have stupid formula. I thought I had enough, wouldn't you? Especially if you were bleeding at that point? Oh, I hated the biting stage. I just had to deal with it and praise God for when he was ready for organic milk. (We're still nursing, but only comfort nursing). Thank God, he doesn't bite any more. He did get a giggle when he did it, though. It's like that little turkey knew he was up to no good! ;) My mom usually got a kick out of this.
From the Two of Us, Mama's :)
After nursing for over a year, we have a book full of hilarious moments. Some include the waiter getting a free "show" while the little one popped out his head. Some people got to hear a toddler scream for the "boobie" while trying to have a peaceful dinner. You get the ugly stares, but you just look the other way or just smile real big. It all happens. Nursing is full of funny moments. You just have to deal with whatever comes your way, despite the embarrassment or the "ouch" moments. Don't give up. You'll laugh about this when your baby is a wee bit older. ;)
Mama B: I think I have nursed Oliver just about everywhere. The dinner table, Ikea, Walmart, the park, several food stores, on an airplane, the shower, a boat, cooking dinner, the zoo, Target, Trader Joe's, restaurants, walking down the street, in bed, everywhere! But there will always be one place that sticks out in my mind. Nursing Oliver in the car.
There I am crossing the bay bridge and boom we hit a standstill. We were planning on stopping off for a stretch and a nursing right when we got off the bridge, but due to a fender bender we got stuck on the two lane bridge. Guess who starts screaming for milk- Oliver. So what do I do? Like any good nursing mother, I loosen my seat belt, got on my knees and leaned over Oliver's rear facing car seat and whipped 'em out. You know the elastic boob...I ain't no Dolly Parton and it sure isn't comfy, but instantly Oliver started drinking and stopped screaming.
Did I mention that we do not have tinted windows, my friends? The looks I got were priceless. My parents were following behind us and got quite a chuckle because they knew exactly what I was doing ;p This is not the first time I have nursed Oliver in the car, but most defiantly the one I will always remember.
Umma Nelly: Okay....so, I have never had an experience like Brittany's, but I have had my fair share of different moments with Josiah. Like Mama Brittany, I have also nursed Josiah EVERYWHERE. I have a nursing cover, and when my boy wanted to eat, you can bet your dollar that I nursed him. I'm trying to think about if I ever tried to nurse Josiah in the car the same way as Mama B. Hmm...no, I think I tried, but it just wasn't working for various reasons. ;)
I was always determined to breastfeed Josiah exclusively the first year. Formula was just not part of my equation. There were thousands of times where I was tempted, but always received some type of encouragement from someone (mainly Brittany). This one time while I was in Ohio... I was nursing Josiah and we were already battling him biting. I've done the "tap his mouth", pull him away, use the teething ring, etc. (Side Note: In my personal opinion, the pulling away worked the best). Josiah thought it would be really hilarious to grind his teeth and pull away while he was still on the boob. I screamed and shouted that he can have stupid formula. I thought I had enough, wouldn't you? Especially if you were bleeding at that point? Oh, I hated the biting stage. I just had to deal with it and praise God for when he was ready for organic milk. (We're still nursing, but only comfort nursing). Thank God, he doesn't bite any more. He did get a giggle when he did it, though. It's like that little turkey knew he was up to no good! ;) My mom usually got a kick out of this.
From the Two of Us, Mama's :)
After nursing for over a year, we have a book full of hilarious moments. Some include the waiter getting a free "show" while the little one popped out his head. Some people got to hear a toddler scream for the "boobie" while trying to have a peaceful dinner. You get the ugly stares, but you just look the other way or just smile real big. It all happens. Nursing is full of funny moments. You just have to deal with whatever comes your way, despite the embarrassment or the "ouch" moments. Don't give up. You'll laugh about this when your baby is a wee bit older. ;)
Thursday, July 28, 2011
Surrounding Love.
Words from Umma Nelly
How is it possible for mankind to live alone? How do they survive emotionally, psychologically? Is it really possible? Do we dare to even try such a thing? Can anyone really live a life alone without breaking down their self-worth?
No, this is not a story to find out whether or not we can truly survive alone. This is me sharing with you, about the importance of having the strongest support group you can imagine when you become a mother.
When a woman finds out they are with child, a million different emotions will run through their heart. Some are positive, others not so much. Whether they are full of pure bliss or down right angry, they can't hide from the fact that they are going to become a mother.
Going through the journey of pregnancy can be filled with days with you wondering if you should just move your bed into the bathroom, while other days you don't even miss a beat of feeling good. Some could walk through their entire pregnancy on cloud 9 and never feel an ounce of sickness. No, I wasn't one of them but I wasn't stuck in the bathroom either. I had my own problems.
With each of my sweet boys, I was always drowning in nausea or fighting to not pass out in the grocery aisle. Sometimes, I had to call my mom because I just wanted someone on the other line, even if she didn't say a thing. She was one of my biggest fans in my support group. She was my mother, who knew how to take care of me in the moment. (Kudos to my mom).
My first pregnancy, with Israel, I was finishing my last year of college. I had my moments where I thought I was going to fall completely on my face and pass out in the middle of students rushing to the classroom. God knew to place me in the right place and the right time to make sure that I was "in good hands". I had friends, who even skipped their own class. to make sure that I was feeling better and to help me arrive home safely. I am beyond grateful for my friends. They also played a major role in my support group.
After going through 9 months of pregnancy twice, I thought I was prepared to become a mother. I mean I browsed through the famous book of, "What to Expect...". I could do this, right? Sure.... I got this! ;)
I think God just laughed at me, just a little.
My first son, Israel, was born with a heart congenital defect known as, Hypoplastic Left Heart Syndrome. When he was born, our hearts were not prepared for the road we were about to embark. Nothing could have prepared us for this heart wrenching journey. Absolutely nothing. God had to literally carry us through this entire journey, because we were not able to go through this alone. He blessed us with the right nurses, the right medical staff and most importantly, the perfect family and friends. We always had loved ones come and go at the right moment. We had people holding our hands while we waited for son to come out of surgery. We had family hold us as we had to hear the worst of the worst news. We had companions--angels--continue to pray over us as we looked to God for strength, unending love and grace. We couldn't bear this alone. No man should ever have to bear this alone.
My second son, Josiah, was born a little under a year after all this had happened. Some of you are probably thinking, "birth control?" No, Josiah was sent by God at the most perfect timing. We could never really grasp the timing of God, but it is good and it is perfect, unlike the timing of the world.
After enduring what we had to go through with our first son, Josiah was a complete breeze. However, we were still anxious about the normal things like whether or not he was getting enough to eat, should he be doing this or that, etc. Yes, we even made many trips to the pediatrician with the frantic look on our faces, "is he okay???" Yes, we can all chuckle now, because we have all down it. We still had our support group, whether it was people bringing in food, helping us clean the house or just keeping us company. We had loved ones continue to help us get through the life of a newborn. We were ever so grateful; always.
No training, no classes, nothing can prepare you for bringing a child into the world. Mothers (and fathers) need LOVING support from all the "neighbors".We need someone to hold us as we cry over the loss hours of sleep. We need someone to remind us that it's only a season when we can't get our morning shower. We need someone to be there for us; not necessarily offering words of advice, but to just be THERE. To be there in the moment. Helping in other ways, even if it means getting your hands a little dirty by cleaning the dishes or running the sweeper.
It's a whole new world, and it's meant to be shared with others. It meant to be shared with others in a way that you can survive this time. Embrace the support that God is about to bless you with in this new thing called, "motherhood". He always knows when to send the right person to meet your deepest need in this moment. Don't be discouraged by the "nagging person who thinks they know it all about babies". Just let some of the advice that you don't agree or even need to hear, roll off your shoulders.
I honestly don't know if man could survive alone. Let's not start a professional debate. However, I want you to be encouraged to surround yourself with loved ones. Find solid friends and family, who will ride this wicked ride of a rollercoaster with you, even if it means over and over again. It will help you to breathe. It will help you to continue to beat to a "happy drum" called parenting. Be loved.
How is it possible for mankind to live alone? How do they survive emotionally, psychologically? Is it really possible? Do we dare to even try such a thing? Can anyone really live a life alone without breaking down their self-worth?
No, this is not a story to find out whether or not we can truly survive alone. This is me sharing with you, about the importance of having the strongest support group you can imagine when you become a mother.
When a woman finds out they are with child, a million different emotions will run through their heart. Some are positive, others not so much. Whether they are full of pure bliss or down right angry, they can't hide from the fact that they are going to become a mother.
Going through the journey of pregnancy can be filled with days with you wondering if you should just move your bed into the bathroom, while other days you don't even miss a beat of feeling good. Some could walk through their entire pregnancy on cloud 9 and never feel an ounce of sickness. No, I wasn't one of them but I wasn't stuck in the bathroom either. I had my own problems.
With each of my sweet boys, I was always drowning in nausea or fighting to not pass out in the grocery aisle. Sometimes, I had to call my mom because I just wanted someone on the other line, even if she didn't say a thing. She was one of my biggest fans in my support group. She was my mother, who knew how to take care of me in the moment. (Kudos to my mom).
My first pregnancy, with Israel, I was finishing my last year of college. I had my moments where I thought I was going to fall completely on my face and pass out in the middle of students rushing to the classroom. God knew to place me in the right place and the right time to make sure that I was "in good hands". I had friends, who even skipped their own class. to make sure that I was feeling better and to help me arrive home safely. I am beyond grateful for my friends. They also played a major role in my support group.
After going through 9 months of pregnancy twice, I thought I was prepared to become a mother. I mean I browsed through the famous book of, "What to Expect...". I could do this, right? Sure.... I got this! ;)
I think God just laughed at me, just a little.
My first son, Israel, was born with a heart congenital defect known as, Hypoplastic Left Heart Syndrome. When he was born, our hearts were not prepared for the road we were about to embark. Nothing could have prepared us for this heart wrenching journey. Absolutely nothing. God had to literally carry us through this entire journey, because we were not able to go through this alone. He blessed us with the right nurses, the right medical staff and most importantly, the perfect family and friends. We always had loved ones come and go at the right moment. We had people holding our hands while we waited for son to come out of surgery. We had family hold us as we had to hear the worst of the worst news. We had companions--angels--continue to pray over us as we looked to God for strength, unending love and grace. We couldn't bear this alone. No man should ever have to bear this alone.
My second son, Josiah, was born a little under a year after all this had happened. Some of you are probably thinking, "birth control?" No, Josiah was sent by God at the most perfect timing. We could never really grasp the timing of God, but it is good and it is perfect, unlike the timing of the world.
After enduring what we had to go through with our first son, Josiah was a complete breeze. However, we were still anxious about the normal things like whether or not he was getting enough to eat, should he be doing this or that, etc. Yes, we even made many trips to the pediatrician with the frantic look on our faces, "is he okay???" Yes, we can all chuckle now, because we have all down it. We still had our support group, whether it was people bringing in food, helping us clean the house or just keeping us company. We had loved ones continue to help us get through the life of a newborn. We were ever so grateful; always.
No training, no classes, nothing can prepare you for bringing a child into the world. Mothers (and fathers) need LOVING support from all the "neighbors".We need someone to hold us as we cry over the loss hours of sleep. We need someone to remind us that it's only a season when we can't get our morning shower. We need someone to be there for us; not necessarily offering words of advice, but to just be THERE. To be there in the moment. Helping in other ways, even if it means getting your hands a little dirty by cleaning the dishes or running the sweeper.
It's a whole new world, and it's meant to be shared with others. It meant to be shared with others in a way that you can survive this time. Embrace the support that God is about to bless you with in this new thing called, "motherhood". He always knows when to send the right person to meet your deepest need in this moment. Don't be discouraged by the "nagging person who thinks they know it all about babies". Just let some of the advice that you don't agree or even need to hear, roll off your shoulders.
I honestly don't know if man could survive alone. Let's not start a professional debate. However, I want you to be encouraged to surround yourself with loved ones. Find solid friends and family, who will ride this wicked ride of a rollercoaster with you, even if it means over and over again. It will help you to breathe. It will help you to continue to beat to a "happy drum" called parenting. Be loved.
Wednesday, July 27, 2011
Breastfeeding Encouragement for the New Mama :)
Word's from Mama Brittany
Before Oliver was born, I wanted to breastfeed Oliver more than anything. When things took a turn and I found out I would have a preemie; I had my doubts. I had good breastfeeding support, but I never knew anyone who nursed a preemie before, let alone a micro-preemie. I knew lots of woman who nursed, or even pumped. I also found out about the struggles they endured and how a lot of them ended up giving up. I pushed through and now at eighteen month old, who is my not-so-micro preemie, is a nursing toddler!
Oliver was fed his first feedings through a tube, I had to pump to bring in my milk. My milk came in around day 8, I had to pump and pump. I would work with Oliver at the breast with a nipple shield, but he never ate enough to empty me, so after every single feeding I had to pump. This was extremely difficult and I was extremely tired. I would feed Oliver, get him settled, then pump. By the time the whole ordeal was over I would have 20-30 min and the whole ordeal would start over again. I was getting very little to no sleep, I ended up getting mastitis, between the nipple shield and the pumping. I was always engorged and my boobs always hurt. I leaked like crazy and Oliver couldn't latch without the nipple shield. If anyone had a hard time with the beginning stages of nursing, it was me.
I remember one night, Oliver was screaming and my boobs were full and painful. He wouldn't latch even with the shield! I hadn't slept all night, and I finally screamed, "Give him formula, just give him effin formula!" I didn't mean it. However, it was tempting. I know it's hard, and I know formula and CIO looks very enticing at this point. This was my life for 10 weeks. Around that time, Oliver began throwing up all the time, and crying at night for hours and hours. It was beyond exhausting and discouraging. I may have been exhausted, but Oliver came first. Over everything, breastfeeding him meant more to me than sleep or anything else.
At ten weeks, things changed and it seemed like we could see the light at the end of this tunnel. We were told by his doctor to stop the formula in my breast milk. (When we bottle fed him, we would add 1/4 tsp of formula, for extra calories.) Although, his doctor said to stop; hence, we did and I stopped pumping. Around that time I got mastitis, so I just began straight nursing Oliver. We continued using the nipple shield for four months and then ditched it. By five months, we were nursing pros. So, how did I push through? Determination. Lots of it. Including great support, even if that support was all inside my head sometimes. Ha! I kept telling myself that I could do it!! And I did!!!
I hope that I can be that encouragement to you, whether your baby came three months too early or was overdue. Breastfeeding can be difficult at first; but you can do this, you will do this. You are a strong wonderful mom, who wants to give your baby the very best start in life.
It's normal for babies to eat often, so "baby wear" them and let them nurse whenever they want. Make your life easy, ditch the crib, it's too much to walk back and forth from their room when they want to eat. Set up a safe family bed! With the family bed, the baby will begin to wake and you will be able to give them the breast right away. Usually the baby will "sleep nurse" which means they will fall back to sleep, which means more sleep for you. If you don't want them in your bed then use something within arms reach so you're not getting up a million times a night. Understand babies sleep patterns: check this out for more info on that :) Most importantly, don't have false expectations. Your baby will one day sleep through the night, and they grow fast so try and enjoy these sleepless nights. Trust a mama; you will miss those night time cuddles!
Understand mastitis. I didn't know about this until I had it :( Now I know the signs and can take cautions before getting it. Signs are tender breasts or a pain in your breast. When your duct gets blocked, it can lead to a breast infection. Your breast will hurt like a "mofo" and you may feel like you have the flu. If this happens, continue to nurse your baby! Try lying down while nursing because it may help and also check out Kellymom because they have the best information ever! They also have a "Mommy Forum," so you can chat it up with other moms who are going through the same thing as you!
Surround yourself with breastfeeding, happy people, even if it means online, like I mentioned above. We mama's need to stick together and support each other along this Journey of Motherhood :) It's no easy task- but some one's gotta do it ;)
Before Oliver was born, I wanted to breastfeed Oliver more than anything. When things took a turn and I found out I would have a preemie; I had my doubts. I had good breastfeeding support, but I never knew anyone who nursed a preemie before, let alone a micro-preemie. I knew lots of woman who nursed, or even pumped. I also found out about the struggles they endured and how a lot of them ended up giving up. I pushed through and now at eighteen month old, who is my not-so-micro preemie, is a nursing toddler!
Oliver was fed his first feedings through a tube, I had to pump to bring in my milk. My milk came in around day 8, I had to pump and pump. I would work with Oliver at the breast with a nipple shield, but he never ate enough to empty me, so after every single feeding I had to pump. This was extremely difficult and I was extremely tired. I would feed Oliver, get him settled, then pump. By the time the whole ordeal was over I would have 20-30 min and the whole ordeal would start over again. I was getting very little to no sleep, I ended up getting mastitis, between the nipple shield and the pumping. I was always engorged and my boobs always hurt. I leaked like crazy and Oliver couldn't latch without the nipple shield. If anyone had a hard time with the beginning stages of nursing, it was me.
I remember one night, Oliver was screaming and my boobs were full and painful. He wouldn't latch even with the shield! I hadn't slept all night, and I finally screamed, "Give him formula, just give him effin formula!" I didn't mean it. However, it was tempting. I know it's hard, and I know formula and CIO looks very enticing at this point. This was my life for 10 weeks. Around that time, Oliver began throwing up all the time, and crying at night for hours and hours. It was beyond exhausting and discouraging. I may have been exhausted, but Oliver came first. Over everything, breastfeeding him meant more to me than sleep or anything else.
At ten weeks, things changed and it seemed like we could see the light at the end of this tunnel. We were told by his doctor to stop the formula in my breast milk. (When we bottle fed him, we would add 1/4 tsp of formula, for extra calories.) Although, his doctor said to stop; hence, we did and I stopped pumping. Around that time I got mastitis, so I just began straight nursing Oliver. We continued using the nipple shield for four months and then ditched it. By five months, we were nursing pros. So, how did I push through? Determination. Lots of it. Including great support, even if that support was all inside my head sometimes. Ha! I kept telling myself that I could do it!! And I did!!!
I hope that I can be that encouragement to you, whether your baby came three months too early or was overdue. Breastfeeding can be difficult at first; but you can do this, you will do this. You are a strong wonderful mom, who wants to give your baby the very best start in life.
It's normal for babies to eat often, so "baby wear" them and let them nurse whenever they want. Make your life easy, ditch the crib, it's too much to walk back and forth from their room when they want to eat. Set up a safe family bed! With the family bed, the baby will begin to wake and you will be able to give them the breast right away. Usually the baby will "sleep nurse" which means they will fall back to sleep, which means more sleep for you. If you don't want them in your bed then use something within arms reach so you're not getting up a million times a night. Understand babies sleep patterns: check this out for more info on that :) Most importantly, don't have false expectations. Your baby will one day sleep through the night, and they grow fast so try and enjoy these sleepless nights. Trust a mama; you will miss those night time cuddles!
Understand mastitis. I didn't know about this until I had it :( Now I know the signs and can take cautions before getting it. Signs are tender breasts or a pain in your breast. When your duct gets blocked, it can lead to a breast infection. Your breast will hurt like a "mofo" and you may feel like you have the flu. If this happens, continue to nurse your baby! Try lying down while nursing because it may help and also check out Kellymom because they have the best information ever! They also have a "Mommy Forum," so you can chat it up with other moms who are going through the same thing as you!
Surround yourself with breastfeeding, happy people, even if it means online, like I mentioned above. We mama's need to stick together and support each other along this Journey of Motherhood :) It's no easy task- but some one's gotta do it ;)
Monday, July 25, 2011
Q&A with Umma & Mama
Q: Was becoming a Mom harder or easier than you thought it would be?
Mama B: I guess the biggest shock was that these so-called babies, don't actually "sleep like a baby" or do they? Plus, I think that ol' saying is just not accurate :)
Umma: When our first child was born, Israel, we did not know what to expect especially with his heart condition. The time he was with our family was a constant weariness but he brought so much joy to our family. He strengthened our faith and taught us to love even more. Like it Charles Dickens quoted in his book, 'A Tale of Two Cities,' "It was the best of times, it was the worst of times, it was the age of wisdom,...it was the epoch of belief."
With our second son, Josiah, it was a piece of cake. Why? Because we got more sleep than we ever did in the NICU or PICU. You think you had it bad? Try having your newborn in the NICU.
Q: Did you want a girl or boy?
Mama B: I didn't mind either one, The sonogram showed it was a girl, because the cord was between his legs. Ha! So, when I finally had a 4D sono and we saw that "wittle" penis I was BEYOND excited and surprised! I LOVE having a son. It is SO MUCH fun!!!
Umma: Everyone wanted our family to have a girl because boys are all around. Me? I just wanted a healthy baby. I was completely content with the children God gave us.
Q: How do you have intimate time with your husband if your baby sleeps in your bed with you?
Mama B: HA! Gosh lets set the record straight on this one, once and for all, because I get this question ALL THE TIME, so here is my answer, and I'll answer with a question: Why is bed the only place for sex? Hate to say it, but if the only place your doing it is in bed then you must have a pretty boring sex life ;p Enough said, I think? Eh?
Umma: All I have to say is that there ain't no love making in the bed when our baby is sleeping in it. Otherwise, don't you worry about my "kiss, kiss time" with my husband. ;)
Q: How long do you plan on nursing that child?!?
Mama B: My simple reply is "What's it to you?" ;p
Umma: Oh, please ask Josiah. ;) Truth be told, I would like to be completely done before he turns 2.
Q: What is your response when people ask you, "why don't you use the Cry It Out method (CIO) since your baby doesn't sleep through the night?
Mama B: Sighs. In MY OWN OPINION, the CIO method is the worst thing you can do for a child. Now please hear me out on this topic. Young human babies are the most vulnerable of any other species. The only way they have to communicate with us is through crying. With that being noted, our society, Western culture, tells us to put our precious vulnerable babies in cribs, and allow them to be alone and cry continuously and have no one go help them. Parents are told to believe that this helps babies sleep through the night (STTN). Number one, it doesn't always work. Number two, it is extremely damaging to the child. Studies have shown that the baby "gives up hope" and falls asleep which allows the parents to think, "great it worked." Little do they realize this child has fallen into what is known as " infant depression" which can have lifelong lasting effects. Nelly and I will share with you other more gentler ways to help your baby STTN. And ways to cope with the lack of sleep. Be encouraged- there are much better ways, dear friends.
Umma: I have many reasons on why I won't do the CIO method when it comes to sleeping. I am firmly against it, even if it "guarantees" my child to sleep through the night at a young age. I have done my own research about it, and I have come to the conclusion that it is not healthy for the child. As a mother, God gave us the instinct to nurture our children when they need us. Why are we allowing society to tell us that it is okay to "ignore" the "mama instinct" that God gave us? If you prefer to follow this method, that is purely your choice. Please don't try to persuade me otherwise, because I won't persuade you to follow my own parenting. "To each is their own."
Q: What made you choose to use cloth diapers?
Mama B: Well, I suppose Mother Earth, but I am finding myself more into "Elimination Communication." (I'll explain more about this in another blog for those of you who are not sure what this method is about.) For our next child, we will start this from the get-go with part time cloth. When Oliver was only three pounds, all we used was disposables for quite awhile, and at night. Shhhhhhh! Not supposed to tell anyone that! These days, we let him run naked around the house, when the other kids are not here. My eighteen month old poops and pee's on the potty :) Other times we just use cloth. I like them- no harsh chemicals on babies bum, don't have to run out and buy diapers, don't have to put pants on him. He looks so cute running in his little bums!
Umma: I don't use them! ;) I've heard that they are difficult to clean in "hard water". If they were easier, I would totally give it a shot! We prefer to use natural and organic diapers such as Seventh Generation and Earth's Best diapers.
Q: How do you feel about vaccines?
Mama B: Well....I am very indecisive about them. Oliver needed to get them in order for me to open the daycare. He is on the Dr. Sears plan and never ever gets more than one shot at a time. We also skipped a few I felt were unnecessary, but we can always get certain ones when he is a little older. I really don't like all the extra junk they put in them, and the fact that when I was a child there were only eleven vaccines and now there are thirty to thirty-five. Ridiculous I tell you. I don't just do something because a doctor will recommend it....Doctors are not God.
Umma: Absolutely, yes! I pray over each vaccine and pray that it only does what it is meant to do (protect the child) and nothing else. If the vaccine is not needed like the flu shot or whatever else, then I don't always have Josiah get them.
Q: Tell us the truth. What are some hardships with co-sleeping and how do you handle them?
Mama B: Waking up with a bloody lip which has happened more than once. Being headbutted while your dead asleep. Having the "Milkbucks" right there and a baby who wants to sip on his own cup of joe all night. However, the good far out weighs the bad! Little baby snores, baby giggly-filled dreams, sweet kisses before drifting off together. :)
Umma: I have my nights when Josiah will kick me in the face or try to lay on my stomach. I just ignore it or try to move him in a better position. We are working on getting him in his own little bed, though. Personally, I think it drives my husband nuts, but we work it out as family and try to discuss it in a better manner when the time is right.
Q: Do you plan on adding more children to your family?
Mama B: We do. We want a lot of children. Some out of my belly, some out of our heart :) We'll see what happens. It's a touchy subject for me.
Umma: YES!!! As long as God opens the door to adding to our little family, then yes! How many more? I would love to have at least one more, but two more wouldn't be so bad in my opinion. ;)
Q: Whats three things is a must for a new Mom?
Mama B: 1. Love. Always love. No question about it. 2. Boobs. 3. Last but not least, an awesome mom, who comes and helps out by cuddling baby or cleaning your house, cooking, etc. Yeah, my mom pretty much rocks! She will cuddle Oliver, since I am a huge believer into baby wearing and totally against those jail cell things. Whoops, they are called cribs aren't they? But she will hold Oliver for hours and hours. (Love you Mom!)
Umma: 1. Continual love. There will be days where you will want to pull your hair out or want to put your child up for adoption. However, 'love conquers all', right? ;) 2. Patience. Remember, they are just a baby and they're allowed to have their moments just like we do. 3. Jesus & Support :) You need Jesus for the days when you don't think you're going to survive. You also need Jesus to give Him such gratitude for your little monster, just as well. You also need support because becoming a new mom is a hard journey to endeavor alone. That doesn't mean finding people to hold and bond with your baby while you fulfill household duties. That means finding people who will understand and help around the house even though your snuggling with your little sweet pea on the couch.
Mama B: I guess the biggest shock was that these so-called babies, don't actually "sleep like a baby" or do they? Plus, I think that ol' saying is just not accurate :)
Umma: When our first child was born, Israel, we did not know what to expect especially with his heart condition. The time he was with our family was a constant weariness but he brought so much joy to our family. He strengthened our faith and taught us to love even more. Like it Charles Dickens quoted in his book, 'A Tale of Two Cities,' "It was the best of times, it was the worst of times, it was the age of wisdom,...it was the epoch of belief."
With our second son, Josiah, it was a piece of cake. Why? Because we got more sleep than we ever did in the NICU or PICU. You think you had it bad? Try having your newborn in the NICU.
Q: Did you want a girl or boy?
Mama B: I didn't mind either one, The sonogram showed it was a girl, because the cord was between his legs. Ha! So, when I finally had a 4D sono and we saw that "wittle" penis I was BEYOND excited and surprised! I LOVE having a son. It is SO MUCH fun!!!
Umma: Everyone wanted our family to have a girl because boys are all around. Me? I just wanted a healthy baby. I was completely content with the children God gave us.
Q: How do you have intimate time with your husband if your baby sleeps in your bed with you?
Mama B: HA! Gosh lets set the record straight on this one, once and for all, because I get this question ALL THE TIME, so here is my answer, and I'll answer with a question: Why is bed the only place for sex? Hate to say it, but if the only place your doing it is in bed then you must have a pretty boring sex life ;p Enough said, I think? Eh?
Umma: All I have to say is that there ain't no love making in the bed when our baby is sleeping in it. Otherwise, don't you worry about my "kiss, kiss time" with my husband. ;)
Q: How long do you plan on nursing that child?!?
Mama B: My simple reply is "What's it to you?" ;p
Umma: Oh, please ask Josiah. ;) Truth be told, I would like to be completely done before he turns 2.
Q: What is your response when people ask you, "why don't you use the Cry It Out method (CIO) since your baby doesn't sleep through the night?
Mama B: Sighs. In MY OWN OPINION, the CIO method is the worst thing you can do for a child. Now please hear me out on this topic. Young human babies are the most vulnerable of any other species. The only way they have to communicate with us is through crying. With that being noted, our society, Western culture, tells us to put our precious vulnerable babies in cribs, and allow them to be alone and cry continuously and have no one go help them. Parents are told to believe that this helps babies sleep through the night (STTN). Number one, it doesn't always work. Number two, it is extremely damaging to the child. Studies have shown that the baby "gives up hope" and falls asleep which allows the parents to think, "great it worked." Little do they realize this child has fallen into what is known as " infant depression" which can have lifelong lasting effects. Nelly and I will share with you other more gentler ways to help your baby STTN. And ways to cope with the lack of sleep. Be encouraged- there are much better ways, dear friends.
Umma: I have many reasons on why I won't do the CIO method when it comes to sleeping. I am firmly against it, even if it "guarantees" my child to sleep through the night at a young age. I have done my own research about it, and I have come to the conclusion that it is not healthy for the child. As a mother, God gave us the instinct to nurture our children when they need us. Why are we allowing society to tell us that it is okay to "ignore" the "mama instinct" that God gave us? If you prefer to follow this method, that is purely your choice. Please don't try to persuade me otherwise, because I won't persuade you to follow my own parenting. "To each is their own."
Q: What made you choose to use cloth diapers?
Mama B: Well, I suppose Mother Earth, but I am finding myself more into "Elimination Communication." (I'll explain more about this in another blog for those of you who are not sure what this method is about.) For our next child, we will start this from the get-go with part time cloth. When Oliver was only three pounds, all we used was disposables for quite awhile, and at night. Shhhhhhh! Not supposed to tell anyone that! These days, we let him run naked around the house, when the other kids are not here. My eighteen month old poops and pee's on the potty :) Other times we just use cloth. I like them- no harsh chemicals on babies bum, don't have to run out and buy diapers, don't have to put pants on him. He looks so cute running in his little bums!
Umma: I don't use them! ;) I've heard that they are difficult to clean in "hard water". If they were easier, I would totally give it a shot! We prefer to use natural and organic diapers such as Seventh Generation and Earth's Best diapers.
Q: How do you feel about vaccines?
Mama B: Well....I am very indecisive about them. Oliver needed to get them in order for me to open the daycare. He is on the Dr. Sears plan and never ever gets more than one shot at a time. We also skipped a few I felt were unnecessary, but we can always get certain ones when he is a little older. I really don't like all the extra junk they put in them, and the fact that when I was a child there were only eleven vaccines and now there are thirty to thirty-five. Ridiculous I tell you. I don't just do something because a doctor will recommend it....Doctors are not God.
Umma: Absolutely, yes! I pray over each vaccine and pray that it only does what it is meant to do (protect the child) and nothing else. If the vaccine is not needed like the flu shot or whatever else, then I don't always have Josiah get them.
Q: Tell us the truth. What are some hardships with co-sleeping and how do you handle them?
Mama B: Waking up with a bloody lip which has happened more than once. Being headbutted while your dead asleep. Having the "Milkbucks" right there and a baby who wants to sip on his own cup of joe all night. However, the good far out weighs the bad! Little baby snores, baby giggly-filled dreams, sweet kisses before drifting off together. :)
Umma: I have my nights when Josiah will kick me in the face or try to lay on my stomach. I just ignore it or try to move him in a better position. We are working on getting him in his own little bed, though. Personally, I think it drives my husband nuts, but we work it out as family and try to discuss it in a better manner when the time is right.
Q: Do you plan on adding more children to your family?
Mama B: We do. We want a lot of children. Some out of my belly, some out of our heart :) We'll see what happens. It's a touchy subject for me.
Umma: YES!!! As long as God opens the door to adding to our little family, then yes! How many more? I would love to have at least one more, but two more wouldn't be so bad in my opinion. ;)
Q: Whats three things is a must for a new Mom?
Mama B: 1. Love. Always love. No question about it. 2. Boobs. 3. Last but not least, an awesome mom, who comes and helps out by cuddling baby or cleaning your house, cooking, etc. Yeah, my mom pretty much rocks! She will cuddle Oliver, since I am a huge believer into baby wearing and totally against those jail cell things. Whoops, they are called cribs aren't they? But she will hold Oliver for hours and hours. (Love you Mom!)
Umma: 1. Continual love. There will be days where you will want to pull your hair out or want to put your child up for adoption. However, 'love conquers all', right? ;) 2. Patience. Remember, they are just a baby and they're allowed to have their moments just like we do. 3. Jesus & Support :) You need Jesus for the days when you don't think you're going to survive. You also need Jesus to give Him such gratitude for your little monster, just as well. You also need support because becoming a new mom is a hard journey to endeavor alone. That doesn't mean finding people to hold and bond with your baby while you fulfill household duties. That means finding people who will understand and help around the house even though your snuggling with your little sweet pea on the couch.
Wednesday, July 20, 2011
Two Hearts Sharing with You.
Let us introduce ourselves.
We are Mama Brittany & Umma (Korean for "mama") Janel.
We LOVE this guy named Jesus; but we wouldn't say we're religious- He is just our friend. Plain and simple. No gray area about it!
We spent a year at college together and became inseperable friends. Living in different states did not stop our friendship. Over the past couple of years, we have walked together, down the road to finding out who we are in Christ, finding our husbands in the most random places but with perfect timing and now we embarking the journey to motherhood. Brittany still lives up North and Janel is living it up in South. Thank God for Facebook, Skype and Verizon Wireless and unlimited calling and text messages. We're pretty sure our friendship could survive through snail mail, though!
Instead of writing our own individual blogs, we wanted to combine our stories and share with mama's (and everyone else). We don't write to offend anyone, but to encourage others who have been in similar situations like ourselves. We want to show sleep deprived mothers that there is a light at the end of the tunnel, eight hours of sleep. We want you to laugh with us, cry with us and know that you are not alone in this thing called parenting.
Yes, we are passionate about being mothers. Yes, we are passionate about (most) Attachment Parenting Principles. Yes, we are passionate about "being green". Yes, we are passionate about raising our children in a God-loving environment. Please don't take our passions for trying to persuade you to change your parenting styles. We do what we do because it fits our family and our lifestyles. We can only hope that you find your own parenting styles in your own time and manner, whether it will be like us or completely different.
Enjoy our written words. These are the stories of our lives that God has written just for us.
We are Mama Brittany & Umma (Korean for "mama") Janel.
We LOVE this guy named Jesus; but we wouldn't say we're religious- He is just our friend. Plain and simple. No gray area about it!
We spent a year at college together and became inseperable friends. Living in different states did not stop our friendship. Over the past couple of years, we have walked together, down the road to finding out who we are in Christ, finding our husbands in the most random places but with perfect timing and now we embarking the journey to motherhood. Brittany still lives up North and Janel is living it up in South. Thank God for Facebook, Skype and Verizon Wireless and unlimited calling and text messages. We're pretty sure our friendship could survive through snail mail, though!
Instead of writing our own individual blogs, we wanted to combine our stories and share with mama's (and everyone else). We don't write to offend anyone, but to encourage others who have been in similar situations like ourselves. We want to show sleep deprived mothers that there is a light at the end of the tunnel, eight hours of sleep. We want you to laugh with us, cry with us and know that you are not alone in this thing called parenting.
Yes, we are passionate about being mothers. Yes, we are passionate about (most) Attachment Parenting Principles. Yes, we are passionate about "being green". Yes, we are passionate about raising our children in a God-loving environment. Please don't take our passions for trying to persuade you to change your parenting styles. We do what we do because it fits our family and our lifestyles. We can only hope that you find your own parenting styles in your own time and manner, whether it will be like us or completely different.
Enjoy our written words. These are the stories of our lives that God has written just for us.
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