Surrounding Love.

Words from Umma Nelly


How is it possible for mankind to live alone? How do they survive emotionally, psychologically? Is it really possible? Do we dare to even try such a thing? Can anyone really live a life alone without breaking down their self-worth? 


No, this is not a story to find out whether or not we can truly survive alone. This is me sharing with you, about the importance of having the strongest support group you can imagine when you become a mother. 


When a woman finds out they are with child, a million different emotions will run through their heart. Some are positive, others not so much. Whether they are full of pure bliss or down right angry, they can't hide from the fact that they are going to become a mother.


Going through the journey of pregnancy can be filled with days with you wondering if you should just move your bed into the bathroom, while other days you don't even miss a  beat of feeling good. Some could walk through their entire pregnancy on cloud 9 and never feel an ounce of sickness. No, I wasn't one of them but I wasn't stuck in the bathroom either. I had my own problems.


With each of my sweet boys, I was always drowning in nausea or fighting to not pass out in the grocery aisle. Sometimes, I had to call my mom because I just wanted someone on the other line, even if she didn't say a thing. She was one of my biggest fans in my support group. She was my mother, who knew how to take care of me in the moment. (Kudos to my mom).


My first pregnancy, with Israel, I was finishing my last year of college. I had my moments where I thought I was going to fall completely on my face and pass out in the middle of students rushing to the classroom. God knew to place me in the right place and the right time to make sure that I was "in good hands". I had friends, who even skipped their own class. to make sure that I was feeling better and to help me arrive home safely. I am beyond grateful for my friends. They also played a major role in my support group. 


After going through 9 months of pregnancy twice, I thought I was prepared to become a mother. I mean I browsed through the famous book of, "What to Expect...". I could do this, right? Sure.... I got this! ;)


I think God just laughed at me, just a little. 


My first son, Israel, was born with a heart congenital defect known as, Hypoplastic Left Heart Syndrome. When he was born, our hearts were not prepared for the road we were about to embark. Nothing could have prepared us for this heart wrenching journey. Absolutely nothing. God had to literally carry us through this entire journey, because we were not able to go through this alone. He blessed us with the right nurses, the right medical staff and most importantly, the perfect family and friends. We always had loved ones come and go at the right moment. We had people holding our hands while we waited for son to come out of surgery. We had family hold us as we had to hear the worst of the worst news. We had companions--angels--continue to pray over us as we looked to God for strength, unending love and grace. We couldn't bear this alone. No man should ever have to bear this alone. 


My second son, Josiah, was born a little under a year after all this had happened. Some of you are probably thinking, "birth control?" No, Josiah was sent by God at the most perfect timing. We could never really grasp the timing of God, but it is good and it is perfect, unlike the timing of the world. 


After enduring what we had to go through with our first son, Josiah was a complete breeze. However, we were still anxious about the normal things like whether or not he was getting enough to eat, should he be doing this or that, etc. Yes, we even made many trips to the pediatrician with the frantic look on our faces, "is he okay???" Yes, we can all chuckle now, because we have all down it. We still had our support group, whether it was people bringing in food, helping us clean the house or just keeping us company. We had loved ones continue to help us get through the life of a newborn. We were ever so grateful; always.


No training, no classes, nothing can prepare you for bringing a child into the world. Mothers (and fathers) need LOVING support from all the "neighbors".We need someone to hold us as we cry over the loss hours of sleep. We need someone to remind us that it's only a season when we can't get our morning shower. We need someone to be there for us; not necessarily offering words of advice, but to just be THERE. To be there in the moment. Helping in other ways, even if it means getting your hands a little dirty by cleaning the dishes or running the sweeper. 


It's a whole new world, and it's meant to be shared with others. It meant to be shared with others in a way that you can survive this time. Embrace the support that God is about to bless you with in this new thing called, "motherhood". He always knows when to send the right person to meet your deepest need in this moment. Don't be discouraged by the "nagging person who thinks they know it all about babies". Just let some of the advice that you don't agree or even need to hear, roll off your shoulders. 


I honestly don't know if man could survive alone. Let's not start a professional debate. However, I want you to be encouraged to surround yourself with loved ones. Find solid friends and family, who will ride this wicked ride of a rollercoaster with you, even if it means over and over again. It will help you to breathe. It will help you to continue to beat to a "happy drum" called parenting. Be loved.