Recently a photo of mine was shared on the internet. It caused quite an uproar with it's 1700+ likes and hundreds of comments. Most of the comments were 'good job mama' 'beautiful' 'look at those lucky boys' and many comments read 'super mom!'
(Photo by the fabulous Lynn Heinisch- love you Mama!)A few others though were not so positive and said things like 'this woman is a mentally challenged pedophile, she needs to stop nursing that bigger child, she's only doing it for herself'
As I read through the comments, I didn't take much to heart or let it get to me. I'm confident in who I am and honestly don't let much of anything bother me anyways, But then I thought about other moms, who may think one way or another, unsure of this whole breastfeeding gig. She may be influenced by these words and think 'I'm no supermom' or 'if I nurse past a certain age I'll be considered a child abuser' these are two huge extremes here and I'd like to address them both.
First off I'm no super mom at all. I do what works for us, and what's easiest. Tandem nursing is what works. My oldest is not ready to wean (yes I've tried gently weaning) it ends in him crying telling me he's still my baby and he just wants to be with me and have milky with his brother. So I give in, I nurse them. I stop the tears and heal the boo boo's, I am the tool that puts them into dreamland, and the breakfast bar they happily wake up to. I tandem nurse because JUST LIKE YOU I love my kids and I'm doing what works for us. I am no supermom, I slip up, my kids eat sugar, we watch tv, sometimes I yell.... We are all good mothers. Every mother is a super mom. It's not an easy job no matter how you feed your baby. I don't want another mom to look at me and ever feel inadequate. I want to be an inspiration to other moms, I want them to know they are wonderful and doing a good job. Love is what makes our children grow, at the end of the day I always ask myself 'did I love my kids enough today? Do they know they are loved unconditionally?' That's what's most important super moms.
On the other extreme, and I need to shout this from the rooftops, I'm so sick of hearing that babies shouldn't nurse past ___________ fill in the blank.
Fool of a took! Self weaning can happen on a wide range and usually happens between 2.5-7 years. Sorry America but you are all backwards! We rush our children to be too independent too soon! They must be off breast (or bottle) by 12 months (you know it rots their teeth right?) they need to be potty trained no later than age 2, this is also when they need to start 'school' at least 3 days a week because if you don't shove them to be independent it will never happen! They must never sleep in a parents bed and should know the abc's and how to write their name no later than age 3 or something is wrong with them! Don't hold your baby too much or you will spoil them, don't love your baby too much either while we are at it.
Really. It's all ridiculous. Let kids be kids, and let them wean whenever they damn near please. Unless you are the MOTHER or CHILD- it's really not your business. Try and set some boundaries within yourself to know where you end and others begin. You can actually get the book 'boundaries' off amazon. It's wonderful and life changing I promise!
I've also heard the argument that mothers who nurse older children are forcing them to nurse, therefore we are pedophiles, and abusing our children.
Ok here we go- my oldest son is 4.5 years old. Here's how our days go: hey Oli go get dressed (runs and hides) hey Oli go get your shoes on we are going to be late (runs away, does anything but put his shoes on, and usually hides somewhere so we are always late) hey Oli come sit up at the table to eat (crawls under the couch, pretends not to be hungry, tells me he's a dog and dogs are not allowed at the table) clever isn't he?
In case you don't catch my drift- I can't force this child to do ANYTHING. I would love to know how I could force him to breastfeed? If you figure it out please let me know so I can cast this magic spell on him for others things in his life, like cleaning up his toys and eating all his veggies!
Well there we have it. I'm no supermom, indeed we all are- and I'm certainly not forcing my child to breastfeed, but seriously if any of you have some advice on getting those veggies in or not always losing one shoe (where do they go off to anyways? Does one shoe grow legs and run away!?) I'd love to hear it!
Thanks mamas- keep doing what works for you.
Love always,
The non supermom; non child abusive mom who's really just a mom doing what works for us.
Nursing at the San Fran zoo in front of the gorillas! They were SO OFFENDED! 😱
And for some more humor I leave you with this,
Thank you! I'm currently tandem nursing my daughters, a 2-year-old and a 3-month-old.
ReplyDeleteMy 2-year-old is nowhere ready to wean. I really wouldn't mind if she did but I'm not going to force it.
I'm terrified of nursing her in public though and I can't help but get embarrassed when I stop to nurse the baby and she's pleading, "Mama, boobie please?"
I know it shouldn't be this way but I'm really don't want to deal with the negativity so we stick to nursing at home.
On the positive note, I think tandem nursing helped ward off any jealousy. My girls already have a super strong bond. The 2-year-old would do almost anything to see, "stister smiles" and she can make the baby giggle better than anyone.
Awww! You are awesome mama!! Tandem nursing is tricky, and can be scary because of all the meanies! Just know you've got a lot of mamas from all over the world standing with you!! Your girls are lucky to have you!!
DeleteTandem nursing in public can be tricky *
DeleteTandem nursing isn't my thing, but I have no problem with others doing it. Nursing past 2 isn't my thing (god willing Lawson stops by then) sometimes I downright get sick of nursing, true story! But I do it anyway. Anyway, my issue with the extremists are, most make me feel terrible for not nursing till _____, like making it to a year or whatever isn't good enough. I cut Lincoln off at 10 months. He was only nursing once a day anyway, he didn't even show that he cared but my boobs were killing me (pregnant with lawson) so I ended it. When I say that to most women who breastfeed past 2...I get this look or they actually say, "oh no child is ever ready to wean before age 2" really now!? You know first hand my child wasn't ready!? That offends me so we create this wall between us and suddenly there are 2 groups of judgey breastfeeding moms and that's just crazy. So anyway, I'm rambling now. I pass no judgment to you or any other tandem extended nurser. I do have a question though, how old was the oldest child to nurse?
ReplyDeleteI am a tri-tandem nurser. My oldest is almost 3 1/2 and only nurses occasionally, usually when she is exhausted and is having trouble falling asleep or when she has hurt herself and wants to feel close and nurtured. She nurses for comfort, not so much for nutrition. My second is a little over 1 1/2 and she nurses 2-4 times daily as she asks for it, usually when she wakes up in the morning, goes down for a nap in the afternoon, goes to bed in the evening, and some times in the middle of the night. She nurses for comfort and to supplement her nutrition as she is a great eater. My third is currently in-utero and feeds from my body 24/7, mostly for nutrition, but I speculate there is also a sense of comfort in it too. My personal goal is to nurse my children until 2 years old, but also decided that I would let them make their own choices. I nurse on-demand; they tell me when. I have never 'forced' my kids to nurse, and there have been times when I have had to say 'no' to my oldest. I will say that there have been times, while overseas, where I have encouraged nursing because my breast milk was safer to drink for them than the water we had available to us at the time.
ReplyDeleteWe also co-sleep in a family bed, we baby-wear, we potty train according to our kids' readiness, we vaccinate (because we are missionaries in a third-world country that daily demonstrates that the word 'eradication' is a subjective term and would rather risk possible side effects of a vaccine than risk our children contracting the life-threatening diseases that still affect our community in a real way - polio, TB, etc), and we home school.
It never ceases to amaze me that on both sides of the planet that I call home (the US and India) people think that the choices that my husband and I make for the well-being of our family is their business; and that just because they do things differently, they have a right to decide that they are 'right and we are 'wrong'. I'm tired of the catch-22 judgement, because I will never be able to make everyone 'happy' 100% of the time. I can only do what I can to help my children grow and thrive, and eventually become well-adjusted adults that contribute positively to the world.
I can guarantee that well before they get to college, they will be self-weaned, they will be out of diapers, they will sleep in their own beds, they will walk everywhere on their own, and they will be healthy (barring unforeseen circumstances) and well (un)educated...just like 'their' kids.
It doesn't matter how we mother, the methods we use, the decisions we make. What matters is that we LOVE!
We are all SUPER moms!