I want to talk about a sore subject, one that gets people really angry and mad. And sad, and offended. Possibly more so than the great vaccine debate going on these days. Possibly more than unassisted childbirth. Gmos. And all the other crazy stuff going on in today's world.
I don't share my story to shame anyone. I don't share my story start a mommy war. I don't share my story to say I'm better than you, and you suck. None of that. I'm a firm believer in 'when you know better you do better' I hope everyone will read this with an open mind, and heart. Put down your defenses and just hear this out. This is so near and dear to my heart and I only share this because I really deeply care.
So here's my story about being for circumcision. Initially I thought it was cleaner, I thought everyone did it, I thought he was suppose to look like daddy, I thought it prevented HIV, and cancer, and on and on and on. But most importantly it was important to my husband. Coming from part Jewish heritage, it was very important to my husband. And after all, who am I to say? I don't have a penis. I let daddy decide.
If you've read my blog you know our first son was born prematurely weighing in a 2.14 pounds. He spent 3 weeks in the nicu. A few days before discharging us they asked if we wanted him circumcised. I asked if they could do it to babies as small as Oliver? I was worried but I had no idea. No real idea. I was assured they could do it, and I didn't think much of it. Again I'm not the one with the penis. The day came and they gave him tylonel and some sugar water... I walked with my perfect baby boy out of the nicu all the way to the newborn nursery where he would line up for the chop. I was nervous for him but confident in my husbands decision. And after all we were doing it for religious reasons right? They whisked my baby away and I headed back to wait for him outside the nicu. I had no idea. I honestly had no idea the horror of circumcision.
His nicu nurse started wheeling him back in his little crib and I nervously asked how he did. She said 'he didn't have it done! The doctor (God bless her!) took one look at him and said 'no way am I doing that to this small baby!' She saved my son that day.
They told us to come back and he could have it done when he was older. So at 4 months we went for a consult. I was told he would need to be put to sleep. SAY WHAT? This baby and I almost died- and you want me to risk his life by putting him to sleep so he can have a 'pretty penis?!'
It was then I began researching EVERYTHING. At first I was ANGRY! I wanted him to be circumcised- I thought it was better for xyz reasons. When I heard about these intactivists they made me mad! Who are they to tell me what to do with my son! I battled for months and months. I shared opposing views with my husband who shot me down, and claimed Oliver would be fine and it wasn't a big deal. We saw yet another urologist who said it's better to wait until he's 2 or 3, this at least gave me more time! More time to try to convince myself circumcision was ok, and the best thing...
The more I searched the more I realized *I* was wrong. That was a hard pill to swallow. The fact that I almost caused unnessassry harm and pain to my baby, and than I had to come to terms that somebody did this to my husband. My heart ached. I shed millions of tears during this time, knowing my husband wanted this done, and knowing I couldn't live with myself if I did this to my child. My husband and I fought over this for two years. I prayed a ton! And ya know what I came to realize. God doesn't care about circumcision. I came to realize if the God I believed in wanted me to harm my child then I didn't want to believe in him anymore. I felt so much peace. Jesus came to break the laws, and I didn't need to circumcise my son.
Finally one long teary filled day my husband uttered the words my heart needed to hear. 'We don't have to circumcise him' my husband is man enough to have broken the cycle. This was not something easy, or even something he wanted to do. But he did. To break the cycle is to admit that circumcision is wrong, and harms babies. It means to know that maybe you were harmed, when you were helpless. It's a very hard pill to swallow.
I literally feel sick to my stomach thinking about circumcision. I just didn't know. I almost circumcised my son because I didn't know the horror of it. And I honestly believe other American moms honestly don't know. It's not their fault. I don't blame these mothers, I won't stand hear and shame them or call them awful. I know nobody who is for circumcision has researched both sides. When you research it full on, all of it. Both sides. You come to realize it for what it is.
We can all agree at that point that strapping a baby down when he's just been born, is scary enough... But then cutting off part of his body with no pain medications- is barbaric. I know this is hard for some of you to read. I know I may risk losing friends over this, but I have to speak up for these innocent babies.
Imagine if babies were born and we cut off one of their toes for whatever reason. We strapped them down and just cut off one toe, this sounds ridiculous right? But this is what we are doing to baby boys in America every day! Except it's more sensitive than their toes!
Some people will roll their eyes and refuse to see circumcision for what it is. That's fine. But for those who want more information I've listed lots of links below for you to go out and do your own research.
Your son can decide for himself one day if he wants to be circumcised. These days it's an outpatient procedure done with a laser and adult men can take the appropriate pain medication needed after the surgery should they chose to have it done. It is not easier as a baby. It is traumatic and studies show these babies do in fact remember. It's his body, can't it be his choice?
These days my husband and I agree to let our boys choose for themselves. Our second son also remained intact and if one day either of our boys decide on circumcision we would support them. It's their body and we want it to be their choice.
Oliver has noticed that others don't look like him, and I had to explain to him why. The look of horror on my 4 year olds face when I told him what circumcision is, is one I can not explain. At that moment I thanked every angel in the universe for that doctor that day that said he was too small. I regret even considering it, I feel guilty for thinking of it. But I didn't know, it was those crazy intactivists who opened my eyes and showed me the truth. To the moms who have done this and regret it- you have the most powerful voice in this fight to end circumcision. And your boys are lucky. One day if they come to you and ask why it was done to them you can look them in their eyes and say with an honest heart 'I'm sorry' children are so forgiving, especially when they realize we are sorry. We are all human, we will make mistakes. When we know better we do better.
Love to you.
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