I went to my regular appointment on tuesday June 12th. I was 39 weeks and two days pregnant! I had my NST- (non stress test) and baby looked perfect, I was told I needed to come back friday for another NST and we could talk induction. I then went to my midwives appointment where they said my high risk OB strongly suggested that I schedule induction. I replied 'no thank you' and my midwife wrote that down on paper, we both giggled. I was so confused as to why my baby had expired between 39-40 weeks. Of course it all got blamed on Lupus, which was in fact in remission the entire pregnancy. I also knew that baby was fine and I trusted my gut and was determined to let baby come on his own.
My husband had other ideas, the midwives said for us to go home and try natural remedies. I didn’t feel I needed to try any natural remedies as I trusted in my body and my baby. That doesn’t mean hubby and I didn’t have a little fun though ;-P. I talked to the baby and I said “Baby these people want you to come out, and if you're ready I would love to meet you and welcome you into our family, but if you're not then I’ll fight for you to come on your own.”
We ate yummy pad thai for lunch, and just hung out at home. I began having some contractions and I thought to myself, these might be real. In my mind I was in total denial that it was real labor. The surges came about 15 minutes apart, I decided I better rest in case it was true labor. I went to bed only to be woken to surges about every 8 minutes. Every contraction made me have to pee, and poop. I would sleep thru until a surge hit, breathe thru it, and then go to the bathroom. It was all night long ranging from 5-8 minutes. I got online to talk to a few special ladies, Both of them helped me so much, I was able to keep my focus and not freak out, and I was able to rest in between. I let Jacob rest because I knew that if it were real labor I would need him more later, then for this pre labor stuff.
I also really wanted to be alone, in the still quiet night just Finley and I, allowing my body to prepare him to meet the world. The contractions got down to 2-4 minutes apart. I just wanted to be, to rest, and to breathe. I did my Bradley Method techniques And drank some natural calm around 3 am to see if it would help slow things so I could sleep. By morning I was exhausted, totally worn out and really wanted to sleep. I talked to baby and asked him to settle down a bit so that Mama could get a bit of rest. Things slowed down, way down. The surges then were coming about every 10-15 minutes and then they slowed even more. I talked to my Doula and she said it was probably pre labor to get babe in a nice position for the real thing, we both agreed it could still be longer. I felt peaceful about this. All I wanted to do was sleep, I was so tired. I ate a big lunch and then heated up my rice socks and headed for bed. Jacob gave me a massage and I was able to drift off in between contractions. I woke periodically to the surges but was able to fall back asleep in between. Finally around 5:30pm I woke up, took a shower and had a wonderful dinner. The contractions seemed to have stopped almost all together now and I was thankful! I relaxed throughout the evening and crawled into bed around 10:30pm wednesday night. I notified my doula that the contractions had pretty much stopped and that I was going to bed.
I cuddled up next to Oliver with a smile on my face knowing that soon he wouldn’t be my one and only, I fell asleep with him in my arms. Around midnight I woke with a wave of intensity. I thought 'oh no here we go again more pre labor.' I was not thinking it was real labor at all, even though it was pretty intense. The contractions came on hard and strong just like tuesday night except they were longer, stronger and closer together. I decided to time them for a bit before I woke Jacob up. They were about 5 minutes apart, then 4 then 3 then 4 then 5.....then they were just rolling. I was in total labor land, I was unable to breathe through quietly and I began getting quite vocal. I was just going totally primal, loving every minute of it. I remember smiling and laughing thinking yes my body is doing this! I rocked on the birth ball at the end of our bed, trying to be quiet since Oliver was sleeping right there. Every contraction I grabbed Jacob’s heel. I felt like I was drawing strength from him. I decided I needed to wake Jacob, I needed his support because I was so tired and I wanted to sleep so bad! By the time Jacob got up it was about 2:30 am. We moved Oliver from our bed to the bed in our guest room with my mom, my mom was so super helpful the entire pregnancy, it was so comforting to know Oliver was in good hands and I could just labor without worrying about him.
Once Oliver was settled we decided to try a bath to see if that would slow things down, or if indeed this was real. I always envisioned I would want a water birth, but the moment I got in the tub I wanted out! I hated it, every bit of it. That really surprised me, but thats just how I felt at the time, so after a few contractions we decided to get out of the tub and give my midwife a call- my favorite midwife was on call so I was pretty excited about that. I actually spoke to her on the phone and actually talked with her through a contraction- that was not an easy task, her and I decided to see if the contractions would keep coming every 3 minutes for the next hour, because we didn’t want to show up to the hospital too soon. After that Jacob and I went into our bedroom and Jacob decided 'we’d better call Tina' my doula. My contractions were one on top of the other and Jacob couldn’t even time them because they were just coming and coming.
Jacob spoke on the phone with Tina and I remember thinking “Guys come on this isn’t even real labor yet, I have time....no need to rush things.” But Tina said to Jacob something along the lines of- “if what you're telling me is true, you should goto the hospital now....” I then replied as I giggled “ Is she sure? I’m fine! This is nothing haha” Jacob decided we should go and it was about that moment, about 4 am that I felt some intense pressure and I was like “Oh no! I need to poop!” I was not about to poop as I was pushing the baby out so I decided to try and go before we left for the hospital. I peed and that was it, then in between the waves I tried checking my purse to make sure I had everything, and with that I headed downstairs still in disbelief that this was even real. I looked at the stairs and wondered how I would make it down, I had to hold myself because I felt like Finn was going to fall out! Jacob came and helped me into the living room where I continued singing through every blissful wave.
Labor was the most fun thing I’ve ever done. Every beautiful wave was more blissful than the next. They were never painful to me, just wonderful and amazing. Every contraction that came I felt the urge to poop more and more. We made it out to the car and I was scared to sit down, afraid I would hurt the baby because that’s how low he felt. We started driving and it was beautiful outside. The night was cool there were stars hanging low over the farms and hills as we drove down the country road. I felt like I was in heaven. It was magical. Contractions were coming every 4 minutes and I honestly felt like I was on a roller coaster ride as we drove. I sang out, I spoke in tongues and I cussed. We made it to the end of the back roads and were headed towards the highway to downtown. The light was green at the moment and I said “If the light turns yellow, you need to run the light” Well the light turned yellow and Jacob stops. “Run the light I said! Run the fucking light!” Jacob was like “I can’t!” to which I replied “ YOU BETTER RUN THIS FUCKING LIGHT NOW!” Don’t mess with a laboring woman who feels like her baby is falling out of her. So he ran the light.
We got onto the highway heading into the city and I had so much pressure down there, I thought if I emptied my bladder It would help. The only thing in the car was a big mason jar, so I pulled down my pants and sat on this gigantic mason jar. Picture this as your driving to work at 5 am haha! Luckily the highway wasn’t too crowded. I was laughing hysterically by the way because I was seriously naked sitting on a jar trying to pee, all while my husband drives, and yes cars were passing us!
Well I couldn’t pee in the jar so i decided to pee on a blanket I had brought. I know thats gross but when you're in labor you just don’t care. So I peed on the blanket but the pressure still remained, I still felt like I needed to poop. We approached the hospital and Jacob asked if I wanted to be dropped off. I declined and decided it was 5 am in the city and I didn’t want to be alone. We parked the car and my pants were still down. I got out of the car in the garage butt naked and looked around for the security camera. I was still laughing at this point as the whole thing was quite hilarious! We made it into the hospital and right by the door were the wheelchairs. I declined and we made the long walk down the mile long hallway to the elevators. I stopped probably 100 times. Every contraction I would squat and breathe. It felt so good. We made it to the desk and were sent on the elevators to labor and delivery. We get on the elevator with a man who looked like P. Diddy. Just then a contraction hits! I squat and i’m all like “OOOOOHHHHHHHH, OHHHHHH” Jacob is laughing because this poor guy is stuck in an elevator with this woman in labor, just then P. Diddy looked at Jacob with a smile and said “ It’s alright man, I got three.” Haha we all had a good laugh!
We get up to labor and delivery and we inform the incompetent woman behind the counter that we are here to meet my midwife and that my midwife is waiting for me. (The whole check in was already taken care of since I was with the midwives) BUT this woman still made us check in. I seriously wanted to die because I didn’t want to go through the long check in process.
I decided to go to the bathroom and try to poop again. Nothing happened but I labored on the toilet hoping Jacob could just check us in quickly and it would be over when I came out. No such luck, so I got on the floor of the office and labored while she asked me ridiculous questions like my address and social security number. Then after that I went to the bathroom again to labor some more, came out and sat in the waiting room with Jacob. It was about 5:30 am and I wondered if all of this was even real. It felt like a dream, I began to worry. Just then I heard a ding from the elevator and around the corner came my doula. It was like an angel floating towards me. I felt so safe and was able to relax, I knew I would be ok now. Tina sat beside me and told me that I 'looked too good.'
Just then I had a contraction and I squatted. Tina’s sweet calm voice was amazing. “Shoulders down, good Brittany, perfect, thats it.” Right after that contraction my other angel showed up, my midwife. Now I was at total peace because I had my safe people, people who knew me and cared about me.
We walked back and headed for my room. Turns out there were no rooms. During my pregnancy I prayed and was prayed over that I would give birth like the hebrew woman (who had fast labors) also I prayed I would give birth like Mary to Jesus. When I prayed that I did not mean that there would be no room for me at the inn, but God has quite the sense of humor eh?! So in the hall waiting for my room I announced that I had to goto the bathroom...again. I was determined to poop this time, this was my last attempt to poop before labor! So I went in the bathroom in the hallway and sat on the toilet. Then I had a contraction but this time my whole body takes over something crazy and I start pushing and let out the loudest grunt/roar. My midwife and doula were right outside the door and both of them shouted “Open the door Brittany!!!!” The contraction stopped, the feeling stopped and I got up with my pants down laughing and not knowing what to do I opened the door that way and say “why can’t I push? I can’t help it!” My midwife said “ You can’t push because your'e on a toilet!” My doula pulled up my pants and we followed my midwife into a triage room. They had one open and my midwife wanted to check to see how dilated I was. Some nurse hooked me up to a monitor and then I laid back and my midwife checked me. Her eyes got big as she exclaimed “ SHE”S 10!!! and he’s coming NOW! His head is right here!” I began clapping and laughing and I said “I don’t have to have another C-section?!?” My midwife said “Not today!” WOO HOO! She then asked me if I wanted to give birth in the triage room or a real room, I wanted the room with the view so they wheeled me down the hallway and asked me how and where I wanted to do it. I decided I’d get on the hospital bed, which I wouldn’t let anyone help me. I am very stubborn and like to do things myself and it’s rare I ask for help, even in labor apparently.
I got on the bed on hands and knees and stayed that way for one contraction, I didn’t like it and decided I wanted to squat. So I put the back of the bed all the way up and got into a nice squat. It felt so good, so natural. The room had big beautiful windows over my city, my beloved city.I decided to take my shirt off so that Finn could be born and come right to my bare chest so he could breastfeed right away. The sun was rising and I honesty felt like I was in Africa somewhere in a field or on a mountain top just squatting my baby out with the sunrise. It was truly magnificent. I asked my doula and midwife if I was doing this right? If I was ok? They told me I was doing so great, I was so calm and relaxed. I was at total peace. I pushed for about 20 minutes when my midwife asked if my water had broke? It hadn't so she broke it and I’m pretty sure the next contraction is when Finn was born.
I don’t remember any pain, pressure yes but I was so relaxed. The ring of fire was not a big deal, I felt it but it didn’t bother me. I tore a bit but it wasn’t bad. I pushed 4 times to get Finn out on that last contraction. I pushed 3 pushes for his head and then one more for his body. Finn was born at 6:42 on June 14th! (About a 36 hour labor- 6 hour active) My midwife was very hands off except to catch him and bring him right onto me. I was the one who held my baby first, I held him right on my chest while we left his cord pulsating. He began nursing right away and knew just what to do. It was such a precious moment, he was so little even though he weighed double what Oliver did! (6.5 pounds and 20 inches) My baby was here, and healthy and wonderful. I did it! I VBAC’d!
This was a dream of mine for so long! It happened and it was the most wonderful blissful amazing experience of my life. I can honestly say I had a pain free labor and birth. I got to give my baby the gift of labor and natural child birth. No drugs, no interventions, not even an I.V. or anything! Total free birth in a hospital. No vaccines, no eyedrops, no circumcision. Just birthing my sweet perfect baby boy into the world and into my arms. I thought my VBAC would suddenly heal me but I realized it wasn’t the VBAC that healed me. It was the journey. The mothers I met, the friends I made, the wonderful woman who believed in me and my body. The doctors, the midwives, the doulas, the placenta lady, the Mama’s, you, all of you. I am so proud to be in this Mama club.
Since my VBAC I see the beauty in both births. Both were beautiful in their own ways and I am thankful for each, my heart is full. If you have a dream, even if it looks impossible, even if everyone tells you you can’t. You can. If A little Lupus Mama can go full term, no flares, no health problems, and push a baby out of her freaking Va jay jay. You my friend can move mountains! After I had him I proclaimed “ I just pushed a baby out of my vagina!” To which my husband replied “ You did Babe, your a rock star!”
Rock on Mama’s!
