Happy world breastfeeding week!

To the mom who breastfed one day or 10 years.

I celebrate you! 

I've been breastfeeding continuously for 4 years, 7 months, and 1 day. But who's counting right?!

I've learned so much over these past 4 years and evolved into a new person/ mother as well. Breastfeeding is beautiful. But it's also laborious. It has it's glorious moments, it also has it's painstaking 3 in the morning battling mastitis you want to die moments. In these past few years I've learned to just roll with it all. Accepting grace as my friend and holding onto hope as I'm thick in the trenches of motherhood. It surrounds me and consumes me. And I love it. And I hate it. And I feel all the things all the time. 

When I think about world breastfeeding week this year I think about all the mamas, and what I would want to tell them. What would I want them to know? What wisdom have I gained from breastfeeding my children? I'm a tandem nursing mom, I'm a breastfeeding counselor. I'm a child birth educator. This is my thing, this is what I do. What would I want you to know?

I want you to know you are wonderful. You are enough for your baby. Whether you breastfed for one day, or 10 years. You have made the sacrifices, put in the time, gave the love, hugged the boo boos and scared away the monsters under the bed. This week let's focus on each mothers accomplishments. Are you a pumping mom? I applaud you. Are you a NICU mom? I stand with you and honor you. Are you a natural birther? I rejoice with you. Are you a c-section mom? I see you. I see the warrior you are bringing your baby into the world. Are you a tandem nursing mom? I give you a huge glass of water, a listening ear, and a hug. 

I celebrate you mothers, who all have their own stories. Their own births, their own journeys. We are all brought together by this, let's celebrate world breastfeeding week by celebrating each mom. The mom who wanted to breastfeed but it didn't work out, the mom who didn't meet her goals but gave it all she had. The mom who nursed 3 weeks and the mom who nursed 3 years. The single working moms, the stay at home moms. The baby led weaners, the extended nursers. All of us. I celebrate you beautiful mama. Happy world breastfeeding week!

How will you be celebrating WBW 2014?

I would love to share your story this month! Email me (maidamilkin@aol.com) follow me on Instagram for a feature and give away! 

I support breastfeeding but...

I support breastfeeding but....then you don't support breastfeeding. 

To the butters:

If you have a problem with breastfeeding mothers, that is your problem. It is not ok for you to shame this mom to make yourself comfortable. It is not ok for you to put yourself before a babies most basic need. Every child has the right to breastfeed whenever and wherever. If you are not comfortable with seeing this, you should probably just stay home. 

I'm so sick and tired of the 'breastfeeding needs to be done modestly' bull crap. Why? Because you (general you) are uncomfortable? Offended? Because you are afraid you might 'stumble' or 'lust' please tell me how any of this is a breastfeeding mothers problem. 

You do not come before a babies most basic need. Nobody can control You. Only you can only control you. Stop blaming others for your own issues. That's the root of it. We are all lacking serious boundaries. When you realize where you end and another begins, the world is a happier place. So stop blaming and shaming breastfeeding mothers because you are dealing with ________ in your own life. 

Sit down and think about what it is that is really bothering you here. I can almost guarantee there is a deep rooted issue or predjustice and it will have nothing to do with a mother feeding her child, it will have everything to do with you. Take control of you, better your own life. And stop picking on breastfeeding moms and being a butter.

Why I'm not a super mom, or a mentally challenged pedophile

Recently a photo of mine was shared on the internet. It caused quite an uproar with it's 1700+ likes and hundreds of comments. Most of the comments were 'good job mama' 'beautiful' 'look at those lucky boys' and many comments read 'super mom!' 

(Photo by the fabulous Lynn Heinisch- love you Mama!)

A few others though were not so positive and said things like 'this woman is a mentally challenged pedophile, she needs to stop nursing that bigger child, she's only doing it for herself'

As I read through the comments, I didn't take much to heart or let it get to me. I'm confident in who I am and honestly don't let much of anything bother me anyways, But then I thought about other moms, who may think one way or another, unsure of this whole breastfeeding gig. She may be influenced by these words and think 'I'm no supermom' or 'if I nurse past a certain age I'll be considered a child abuser'  these are two huge extremes here and I'd like to address them both. 

First off I'm no super mom at all. I do what works for us, and what's easiest. Tandem nursing is what works. My oldest is not ready to wean (yes I've tried gently weaning) it ends in him crying telling me he's still my baby and he just wants to be with me and have milky with his brother. So I give in, I nurse them. I stop the tears and heal the boo boo's, I am the tool that puts them into dreamland, and the breakfast bar they happily wake up to. I tandem nurse because JUST LIKE YOU I love my kids and I'm doing what works for us. I am no supermom, I slip up, my kids eat sugar, we watch tv, sometimes I yell.... We are all good mothers. Every mother is a super mom. It's not an easy job no matter how you feed your baby. I don't want another mom to look at me and ever feel inadequate. I want to be an inspiration to other moms, I want them to know they are wonderful and doing a good job. Love is what makes our children grow, at the end of the day I always ask myself 'did I love my kids enough today? Do they know they are loved unconditionally?' That's what's most important super moms.

(These boys are well loved, wouldn't ya think?)

(Me and one of my favorite super mamas!)

On the other extreme, and I need to shout this from the rooftops, I'm so sick of hearing that babies shouldn't nurse past ___________ fill in the blank.

Fool of a took! Self weaning can happen on a wide range and usually happens between 2.5-7 years. Sorry America but you are all backwards! We rush our children to be too independent too soon! They must be off breast (or bottle) by 12 months (you know it rots their teeth right?) they need to be potty trained no later than age 2, this is also when they need to start 'school' at least 3 days a week because if you don't shove them to be independent it will never happen! They must never sleep in a parents bed and should know the abc's and how to write their name no later than age 3 or something is wrong with them! Don't hold your baby too much or you will spoil them, don't love your baby too much either while we are at it.

Really. It's all ridiculous. Let kids be kids, and let them wean whenever they damn near please. Unless you are the MOTHER or CHILD- it's really not your business. Try and set some boundaries within yourself to know where you end and others begin. You can actually get the book 'boundaries' off amazon. It's wonderful and life changing I promise! 

I've also heard the argument that mothers who nurse older children are forcing them to nurse, therefore we are pedophiles, and abusing our children. 

Ok here we go- my oldest son is 4.5 years old. Here's how our days go: hey Oli go get dressed (runs and hides) hey Oli go get your shoes on we are going to be late (runs away, does anything but put his shoes on, and usually hides somewhere so we are always late) hey Oli come sit up at the table to eat (crawls under the couch, pretends not to be hungry, tells me he's a dog and dogs are not allowed at the table) clever isn't he? 

In case you don't catch my drift- I can't force this child to do ANYTHING. I would love to know how I could force him to breastfeed? If you figure it out please let me know so I can cast this magic spell on him for others things in his life, like cleaning up his toys and eating all his veggies!

Well there we have it. I'm no supermom, indeed we all are- and I'm certainly not forcing my child to breastfeed, but seriously if any of you have some advice on getting those veggies in or not always losing one shoe (where do they go off to anyways? Does one shoe grow legs and run away!?) I'd love to hear it!

Thanks mamas- keep doing what works for you. 

Love always, 

The non supermom; non child abusive mom who's really just a mom doing what works for us.

Nursing at the San Fran zoo in front of the gorillas! They were SO OFFENDED! 😱

And for some more humor I leave you with this,

How we almost circumcised our son.

Alright. It's that time. I've been dreading talking about this, posting about this, honestly I've been pretending this does.not.exsist. 

I want to talk about a sore subject, one that gets people really angry and mad. And sad, and offended. Possibly more so than the great vaccine debate going on these days. Possibly more than unassisted childbirth. Gmos. And all the other crazy stuff going on in today's world.

I don't share my story to shame anyone. I don't share my story start a mommy war. I don't share my story to say I'm better than you, and you suck. None of that. I'm a firm believer in 'when you know better you do better' I hope everyone will read this with an open mind, and heart. Put down your defenses and just hear this out. This is so near and dear to my heart and I only share this because I really deeply care. 

So here's my story about being for circumcision. Initially I thought it was cleaner, I thought everyone did it, I thought he was suppose to look like daddy, I thought it prevented HIV, and cancer, and on and on and on. But most importantly it was important to my husband. Coming from part Jewish heritage, it was very important to my husband. And after all, who am I to say? I don't have a penis. I let daddy decide.

If you've read my blog you know our first son was born prematurely weighing in a 2.14 pounds. He spent 3 weeks in the nicu. A few days before discharging us they asked if we wanted him circumcised. I asked if they could do it to babies as small as Oliver? I was worried but I had no idea. No real idea. I was assured they could do it, and I didn't think much of it. Again I'm not the one with the penis. The day came and they gave him tylonel and some sugar water... I walked with my perfect baby boy out of the nicu all the way to the newborn nursery where he would line up for the chop. I was nervous for him but confident in my husbands decision. And after all we were doing it for religious reasons right? They whisked my baby away and I headed back to wait for him outside the nicu. I had no idea. I honestly had no idea the horror of circumcision. 

His nicu nurse started wheeling him back in his little crib and I nervously asked how he did. She said 'he didn't have it done! The doctor (God bless her!) took one look at him and said 'no way am I doing that to this small baby!' She saved my son that day.

They told us to come back and he could have it done when he was older. So at 4 months we went for a consult. I was told he would need to be put to sleep. SAY WHAT? This baby and I almost died- and you want me to risk his life by putting him to sleep so he can have a 'pretty penis?!'

It was then I began researching EVERYTHING. At first I was ANGRY! I wanted him to be circumcised- I thought it was better for xyz reasons. When I heard about these intactivists they made me mad! Who are they to tell me what to do with my son! I battled for months and months. I shared opposing views with my husband who shot me down, and claimed Oliver would be fine and it wasn't a big deal. We saw yet another urologist who said it's better to wait until he's 2 or 3, this at least gave me more time! More time to try to convince myself circumcision was ok, and the best thing...

The more I searched the more I realized *I* was wrong. That was a hard pill to swallow. The fact that I almost caused unnessassry harm and pain to my baby, and than I had to come to terms that somebody did this to my husband. My heart ached. I shed millions of tears during this time, knowing my husband wanted this done, and knowing I couldn't live with myself if I did this to my child. My husband and I fought over this for two years. I prayed a ton! And ya know what I came to realize. God doesn't care about circumcision. I came to realize if the God I believed in wanted me to harm my child then I didn't want to believe in him anymore. I felt so much peace. Jesus came to break the laws, and I didn't need to circumcise my son. 

Finally one long teary filled day my husband uttered the words my heart needed to hear. 'We don't have to circumcise him' my husband is man enough to have broken the cycle. This was not something easy, or even something he wanted to do. But he did. To break the cycle is to admit that circumcision is wrong, and harms babies. It means to know that maybe you were harmed, when you were helpless. It's a very hard pill to swallow.

I literally feel sick to my stomach thinking about circumcision. I just didn't know. I almost circumcised my son because I didn't know the horror of it. And I honestly believe other American moms honestly don't know. It's not their fault. I don't blame these mothers, I won't stand hear and shame them or call them awful. I know nobody who is for circumcision has researched both sides. When you research it full on, all of it. Both sides. You come to realize it for what it is. 

We can all agree at that point that strapping a baby down when he's just been born, is scary enough... But then cutting off part of his body with no pain medications- is barbaric. I know this is hard for some of you to read. I know I may risk losing friends over this, but I have to speak up for these innocent babies.

 Imagine if babies were born and we cut off one of their toes for whatever reason. We strapped them down and just cut off one toe, this sounds ridiculous right? But this is what we are doing to baby boys in America every day! Except it's more sensitive than their toes!

Some people will roll their eyes and refuse to see circumcision for what it is. That's fine. But for those who want more information I've listed lots of links below for you to go out and do your own research.

Your son can decide for himself one day if he wants to be circumcised. These days it's an outpatient procedure done with a laser and adult men can take the appropriate pain medication needed after the surgery should they chose to have it done. It is not easier as a baby. It is traumatic and studies show these babies do in fact remember. It's his body, can't it be his choice?

These days my husband and I agree to let our boys choose for themselves. Our second son also remained intact and if one day either of our boys decide on circumcision we would support them. It's their body and we want it to be their choice.

Oliver has noticed that others don't look like him, and I had to explain to him why. The look of horror on my 4 year olds face when I told him what circumcision is, is one I can not explain. At that moment I thanked every angel in the universe for that doctor that day that said he was too small. I regret even considering it, I feel guilty for thinking of it. But I didn't know, it was those crazy intactivists who opened my eyes and showed me the truth. To the moms who have done this and regret it- you have the most powerful voice in this fight to end circumcision. And your boys are lucky. One day if they come to you and ask why it was done to them you can look them in their eyes and say with an honest heart 'I'm sorry' children are so forgiving, especially when they realize we are sorry. We are all human, we will make mistakes. When we know better we do better. 

Love to you. 

http://www.savingsons.org/?m=1

http://www.ourmuddyboots.com/topics/circumcision-2/

http://www.ourmuddyboots.com/topics/circumcision-2/

To the mom who had a c-section

I work with mamas and babies. I'm a big advocate of natural childbirth, obviously. But sometimes things happen beyond our control and our dreams of having a natural birth don't work out. For some of us a c-section is our biggest fear , and when it happens we are left feeling broken and torn apart. Worthless and a failure. Not good enough, not worthy of this baby. 

Sound familiar? Too much I've sat with friends and moms and had them talk about their c-sections using words like 'failure, broken, not worthy.' And for far too long these moms feel like they are not good enough, that they somehow failed their child/children. And you know what? I'm sick of it. 

I'm sick of society telling you that you are broken, that you failed. 

Please hear me c-section mama. If you hear nothing else on this blog that I ever write hear these words. 

You are strong. You are beautiful. Your body is so amazing that it formed another human life. It protected that life and allowed it to grow. It nourished that life. It was home, and heaven, and your baby's safe space. It was your heart beating as your baby grew and developed. It is sacred and wonderful. Every stretch mark is magnificent, every pound gained or lost. Beautiful. And your scar? The scar that might remind you of how your baby was born. It's your battle wound strong woman. Wear it proudly. It was your baby's safe door to this world, where they came through to find you waiting at the other side. 

C-section mama I'm proud to know you. I'm proud to be a part of this club with you. I stand beside you knowing how it feels. It's raw and it's real. Don't let anybody tell you how to feel, and take all the time you need to grieve and work through it, know that you are not alone. You are a treasure and a wonder. 

Be gentle with yourself. It's ok to feel however you feel. 

Seek out support (ican.com) and know you are not alone, your feelings are valid, and there's millions of mamas out there just like you. We are proud of you warrior mama. You are beautiful. You are brave. You are strong. You are a wonderful mother.  A wonderful wonderful mother. 

My tandem nursing story.

In order to tell you about my breastfeeding journey I first need to give a bit of a backstory into how my first son was born. Around 30 weeks gestation I became very sick and was put on hospital bed rest. Later I found out I had developed lupus induced preeclampsia. I had no prior knowledge of having lupus (an autoimmune disease) before this time. My sweet baby was born by emergency c-section (I was put under general anesthesia) at 32 weeks gestation weighing only 2 pounds 14 ounces. After his birth he was taken to the nicu and I was unable to be with him because I was very sick. My blood pressure was not coming down and I was placed on magnesium sulfate for 24 hours to try to stabilize me. Lupus induced preeclampsia is one of the most dangerous pregnancy complications and 80% of mothers and babies die. We are miracles!!!! (I did not know this statistic until after my second was born!)

After being on the mag for 24 hours I begged my doctor to take me off so I could goto the nicu! My husband had been doing skin to skin with our baby and he had some fabulous nicu nurses giving him lots of love! Unfortunetly I couldn't make it up to meet my baby until about 2 full days later, I was so sick and weak. On day two I did start pumping my colostrum out for him and he was fed my colostrum through a tube into his tummy! 

After 50 hours of being away from my baby I finally got to meet and hold him! And he was even allowed to try to nurse! He licked my nipple and then laid in between my breasts and fell asleep. It was heaven holding him, and I never wanted to let go. 

As the days went on Oliver was doing very well- I kept pumping and he kept growing off my milk, we began using a nipple shield and allowing him to practice at the breast. Eventually his feeding tube was removed and we did a mix of breastfeeding with the shield and side lying paced bottle feeds of my milk. After only 3 weeks, we took our sweet baby boy home- he weighed 3 pounds 11 ounces the day we brought him home! Breastfeeding was so difficult for me because I was still so sick with my lupus, but I was determined not to give up! I kept pumping and breastfeeding him. Around 8 weeks old I developed mastitis. I decided no more pumping and wanted to just breastfeed! We weaned off the bottles and he became fully breastfed with the nipple shield! Around 4 months old we weaned off the nipple shield and we've never looked back!! 

To me breastfeeding was something I could do for my baby. When my body had failed him in every other way, this was the one thing I had that didn't fail him, this is the one thing we had to make up for lost time. This was our healing.

He continued nursing like a champ well into toddlerhood when mommy became pregnant again (surprise!) I knew I wanted to tandem nurse but had many fears about it! I was worried I would have another preemie, or it would cause a miscarriage, or they baby wouldn't grow. After much research, and reading 'adventures in tandem nursing' I knew that tandem nursing was possible and nursing through a pregnancy would be ok.

I returned to my high risk ob to discuss options such a vbac and nursing in pregnancy. I was told absolutely not! I was told if I continued nursing the baby wouldn't grow! I was told lupus is the scariest disease on earth and I could never vbac! I was called a 'tree hugger' I left the office in sobs. I couldn't wean my baby boy- we worked too hard at it, it was too special to us. And I HAD to give birth. I knew I could give birth!

After much searching I found a hospital with midwives and a high risk ob. They both agreed to share me and work towards helping me vbac! The experience with the midwives was so wonderful and they never put me down for nursing Oliver! They supported it!

Nursing pregnant^

My fabulous IBCLC told me to go gluten free ASAP if I wanted a full term baby. I listened to her and my life changed! I felt SO MUCH BETTER. I took the Bradley method classes and got on the brewers diet. I ate clean and well. I continued nursing. Around 16 weeks my milk dwindled completely away. Nursing was painful anyways but dry nursing was nearly unbearable. We kept at it mainly at night for comfort. Around 23 weeks I began getting drops of colostrum! Oliver kept nursing....

During this time I began school to become a breastfeeding counselor as well.

Fast forward to 30 weeks, 32 weeks, 36 weeks, 39 weeks and I was still feeling good!

I went into labor on my own at 39 weeks and two days! Baby number two was born at 39 weeks 4 days in a completely pain free vbac! It was amazing! He began nursing soon after birth and I thought smooth sailing....

Wrong! He was born with an upper lip tie and posterior tongue tie. Nursing him was a challenge, the hospital LC told me he was fine and we suffered through those first few weeks....

Oliver hated the colostrum and refused to nurse- so I had a baby who couldn't nurse well and my toddler who was refusing, and then my pump broke! It was a rough few weeks! 

Around day 3 when my milk came in Oliver started nursing again and kept my supply up since Finley had such a hard time nursing. After Finn had his tongue and lip revised around 4 weeks old nursing was much better! 

We made it!!! We are tandem nursing! It's so sweet when they nurse together and hold hands or giggle together. I live for these moments, they fill my heart and it overflows. Oliver is now 4 years old and the baby (Finley) is 19 months old. They are both still nursing machines! We all look forward to our nursing times and all the cuddles! Oliver will often hug his brother and tell him thank you for bringing me all the milk when you were born. It is so sweet. Tandem nursing defiantly has had it's challenges but all in all it's such a sweet precious time and I love the bond it's created between my boys, I often call them my twins. I hope as they grow up they will look back on tandem nursing together with very fond memories. I know I will! 

I don't foresee the boys weaning anytime soon as they both nurse several times a day, and the baby is still night nursing too. I share my story to show others that full term nursing is normal and beautiful. I hope that we can one day live in a world where full term nursing is looked at as such. 

Follow me on Instagram @olipopsmom 

The Beauty of Winter

In winters past, I remember dreading the gloomy grey days filled with cold, snow, and slush. Winter seemed never ending and I remember longing for spring and warmer days. I don't know quite what has hit me, but the more I tune in with nature the more I love the natural changing seasons. I have always found snow beautiful and now I am appriciating even the gloomiest of winter days.

There is such a stillness to winter. A calm. If you listen closely you can hear her whispering her beauty and surrounding you with it. Be still, breathe, anticipate. Breathe in winters beauty while she's still here. Bundle up and go outside. Search her out, ask her to consume you and show you the beauty she has to offer you. Winter is refreshing.

One of my favorite parts of winter is going outside with my boys and exploring. Their little noses get all red, hands cold as ice. They trudge along in their snow boots picking up sticks or leaves along the way. Exploring anything they can find sticking out of the snow.

And then when we feel we can't bear to stay outside a moments longer we retreat to our warm house and the boys snuggle in for a nursing. Their icy little hands and cold little noses pressed against me. And I smile, and I know I will miss this. Just like winter turns to spring and spring turns to summer, my babies are no longer babies. I have a toddler and a preschooler, and when I blink they will be 15 and 17 and I will think back fondly of all the beautiful winters I shared with them. All the winters where it took us 30 minutes to leave the house only to come back in 10 minutes later because they got too cold. All the winters where they begged to get outside only to want to lay in the snow and make snow angels until they were frozen. All of the winters we snuggled up together to keep warm and sip on hot cocoa together.  Too soon winter will be over for this year, and the boys will be all grown up.

Try to see the beauty in everything, time is so precious and it moves so fast. Instead of wishing for spring, appreciate the season you are in right now. Find the beauty. There is always beauty.